I hate using condoms, but I’m scared of catching an STD. Is there any way to make sex with condoms suck less?

You’re not alone: condoms are more universally despised than wet socks and dry hand jobs. Men claim that condoms suffocate their stiffie. Women say they feel like they’re fucking a balloon animal. Both sexes use deception or manipulation to keep condoms away from their sexual encounters. Men are more likely to downplay the risks or complain that condoms are uncomfortable and destroy sensitivity. Women will more often threaten to withhold sex or use “seduction tactics” to get their partners too hot and bothered to protest unprotected sex.

Unfortunately, you can only raw-dog your Tinder dates for so long before an STD inevitably invades your genitals. Condoms are the sole defender protecting you from a mysteriously itchy crotch or boils bursting from your butthole. 

You’ll need to learn to love rubbers by changing your perception surrounding sex with condoms. Redirect your obsession with genital sensation to other erogenous zones like the lips, neck, nipples, back, butt and inner thighs. Any numbness created by a condom can be compensated by stimulating every other erotic nook and cranny of each other’s naked bodies. 

Condoms ultimately enhance sexual encounters by creating peace of mind. Skin-to-skin contact with your partner may feel physically superior to a rubbery erection, but it also creates anxiety about catching their crabs or bearing their child, which kills the mood and takes you out of the experience. Your body will clench up and your muscles will go stiff if you’re nervous about the puzzled look on the cashier’s face when you buy 5 boxes of Dr. Scholl’s Freeze-Away © for your genital warts. Think about pleasure from both a mental and physical perspective, and condoms become a no-brainer.


Why do some women refuse to swallow after oral sex?

Ladies have a gaggle of reasons why they don’t want to gargle your load. In surveys asking women what method of jizz disposal they prefer, spitters typically say they can’t stand the taste or texture of men’s spunk. Some women reflexively gag the moment that cum touches their tongue, so if they tried to gulp your goo, they’d blow chunks all over your boner. Some women focus on the intimacy element and only swallow for partners they deeply love. Others swallow only if you’ve earned it by reciprocating oral sex and lapping up an equivalent volume of their own ejaculate. 

If you’d like to convince a spitter to change their ways, you can approach it from a couple different angles. Try telling your partner that the spit vs. swallow debate has profoundly emotional significance for you — that swallowing signifies acceptance, while spitting signifies rejection. Or, ask your partner if they would reconsider swallowing if you made lifestyle changes that improve your cum’s taste and texture. Avoid red meat, coffee, alcohol, cigarettes, and fast food. Stay hydrated and eat more sugary fruits like pineapple, plums, and peaches. Make your cumshots smooth and sweet, and soon enough she’ll slurp them up like fettuccine alfredo.


Let’s Play the Numbers Game

Scientific estimates on the average number of single Americans you’d have to have unprotected vaginal sex with to contract a particular STD.



38 Partners

Curable: yes, 2-4 weeks

Condom protects: yes



134 Partners

Curable: yes, within a month

Condom protects: yes



1,078 partners

Curable: yes

Condom protects: no



4 partners

Curable: No, but typically leaves on its own after a few years

Condom protects: not entirely


Genital herpes

13 partners

Curable: no

Condom protects: not entirely



1,250 Partners 

Curable: no

Condom protects: yes


Have a burning question that needs answers or ointment? Email Lindsey at: lindsey@theRooster.com