Making love is a dangerous game. Beneath the passion and excitement lies the daunting possibility that one of you could suffer an injury or, in the case of these six stories, a bad case of death. These couples went out doing what they loved, and their names will live on forever as those who succumbed to (cue ominous music) Killer Coitus.
Making love is a dangerous game. Beneath the passion and excitement lies the daunting possibility that one of you could suffer an injury or, in the case of these six stories, a bad case of death. These couples went out doing what they loved, and their names will live on forever as those who succumbed to (cue ominous music) Killer Coitous.
Sparks Fly / January 2008
No pain, no gain. That is of course, until the pain turns into an electrical shock that will inevitably kill you. A couple from Pennsylvania learned that the hard way when their kinky habit turned into a sex disaster. Twenty-seven-year-old Kristen Taylor was electrocuted with a pair of electric nipple clamps. Originally, the husband, Toby Taylor, told the police Taylor was electrocuted when she reached for the hair drier but later confessed the nippled clamps delivered the deathly shock. He said the couple used electric shock before, but this time, he shocked her one too many. Everything in moderation, and that evidently goes for electric nipple clamps.
Piano Drops on Bouncer’s Head / November 1983
What seems like the plot of a three stooges movie was, in fact, the tragic end to a romantic love-making session on a piano. Jimmy Ferrazo, a bouncer at the famous Candor Club in San Francisco, decided after closing down the club, he would make sweet love to his girlfriend on the retractable baby grand piano that came down from the ceiling. Somehow during the sex, the couple accidentally triggered the lift that hauls the piano to the ceiling. As the piano raised, Ferrazo was crushed to death and his girlfriend lay trapped beneath him. All wasn’t lost, to this day, the Cando Club has a drink called “Sex on the Piano.”
Orgy Overstimulation / February 2009
For those kneeling by the side of the bed each night, pleading with the man above to deliver a threesome, it’s pertinent that you read closely for this next sex disaster. Sergey Tuganov was your typical Russian 28 year old in search of a threesome. When the time came for Tuganov, two women bet him $4,300 he couldn’t satisfy them for 12 straight hours. Like any sex-charged male, he took the bet and popped a bottle of Viagra to make sure the equipment functioned properly. Following the 12 hours, and before the women had to pay up, Tuganov dropped dead from a heart attack. Moral of the story: Never bet unless you’ll be around to collect your winnings.
Garage Sex / January 2009
Teenagers do the darndest things. When Reinhard Wallecker realized his parents were in the house, this teenager moved to plan B and had sex with his girlfriend, Stefanie Tanzer, in his Mazda parked in the garage. It was cold out, so to keep warm, Wallecker left the engine and heater on. Evidently, general safety and evolution passed him up, because after sex, the two teenagers fell asleep and eventually died due to carbon monoxide poisoning. Now, we’d normally resort to the lesson learned from this accident, but in all honesty, this is most likely the same way we’d go out if we were to die in a sex act.
Italian Stallion / July 2005
Kenneth Pinyan wasn’t your typical individual. The Boeing engineer from Seattle had a unique recreational activity. Each day after work, he’d drive to a farm outside of Seattle where he’d have sex with male horses … on the receiving end for all inquisitive minds. Well, in 2005, an animal overtook Pinyan, and one of the stallions got a little too deep inside of him, perforating his colon. Although immediate medical attention was necessary, he opted to hold out and eventually died of his wounds. His case actually led to a change in a Washington state law now making bestiality a felony punishable for up to five years in prison. Damn you Kenneth.
Train’s a Cummin' / September 2013
If the tracks are a rockin’, don’t come a knockin’ … that is, of course, unless you’re a freight train about to crush two drunk individuals engaging in lude acts on your train tracks. In Ukraine, a drunk couple on the way home from a house party were overtaken by insatiable, and fatal, attraction that caused them to get down and dirty on the train tracks. For some odd reason, the couple failed to move when a train came barreling down the tracks, killing the girl and severing the legs of the man. The conductor said he saw the couple from a distance and blew his horn but they continued to have sex. Adding insult to injury, cops charged the man with trespassing. We can only imagine what the guy is thinking right now: “Was it good for her?”