I never thought I’d find myself here — paddle in hand, spanking a young man’s ass while his wrists and ankles are chained to a St. Andrew’s cross.

With each slap across his buttcheeks, a dominatrix whispers in my ear. The woman has made a career of blending pleasure and pain, and now critiques my every smacking. As I make endless mistakes — hitting too soft, too hard, too high, too low, or even missing his butt and lashing his balls — I recognize ass-spanking for the art form that it is.

Just like pulling your partner’s hair, biting them, or running your fingernails down their back, spanking provides a sensual element of pain without the possibility of ending up in the ER. Because our fleshy, fatty butts can take a certain amount of abuse, a good smacking right next door to the genitals can heat up that erogenous zone and leave us feeling more aroused than aching.

To master the art of skillfully slapping a booty, I compiled the many lessons of my dominatrix instructor into a spanking handbook, of sorts. They say spanking is a one-handed round of applause in appreciation of a magnificent ass, so appreciate it properly with these simple guidelines.


Maybe your partner’s a bit traumatized from childhood, when papa beat them with the belt for eating all the Oreos. Maybe they know when you spank their ass, they’ll rear their legs like an angry horse and kick your head so hard you’ll forget how to do math. You never really know until you ask, so broach the subject before risking the head trauma.

Chances are, they’re open to the idea of bringing a bit of kink into the bedroom. Once agreeing to try this sexperiment together, the next step is establishing a safeword. After all, in the middle of some hot and heavy foreplay it’s not always easy to say, “I’m having second thoughts about this new element of our sexual routine and I’m not sure if that’s because we’re doing something incorrectly or if it fundamentally isn’t a good fit for me.”

In the BDSM scene, it’s common to use the colors of a traffic light as safewords. “Green” means please proceed, “yellow” means slow down or soften up, and “red” means you’d better stop before things get ugly.

Yet, perhaps this advice overcomplicates things. In many bedrooms, one “ouch” could suffice to communicate when someone’s booty needs a break.


Timing is everything, so don’t start paddling your partner’s ass before they’re sufficiently aroused. Ease into things with some foreplay, try some light and gentle caresses to warm up the area, and gradually increase the strength of the slaps.

There’s a sweet spot on the booty that you don’t want to stray outside of, from the lower central portion of the butt down to the very top of the thighs. Any higher than this, and you risk hitting the tailbone (which can shatter). Any lower, and you could cause serious damage to the skin.


The way you shape your hand, the angle you approach the posterior from, and even what you do between each smacking is going to give your partner a very different punishment experience. The dynamic should always feel more human and less like a jockey whipping his prized horse at the finish line of the Kentucky Derby.


Cupped hands or flat palms positions deliver distinct sensations. Generally, it’s a good idea to start with a cupped hand, as this brings a duller, deeper thud than an open palm, which adds a stinging sensation and a higher level of pain.


Take a break between slaps to show some love. Kiss your partner or rub their naughty spots before bringing the attention back to their booty. Switch smacking up or down, and alternate between slaps, gentle caresses and rubbing to mix up the sensations.


If you feel like your bare hands aren’t doing the trick, there are tools to take spanking to the next level. Paddles, whips and crops are common in a dominatrix’s toy box, but there are plenty of household items that can also do the trick, like hairbrushes or wooden spoons.


The most important part of a spanking session is keeping a close eye on your partner’s responses and reacting accordingly. Respect their boundaries, obey their requests, and maybe they’ll show mercy if and when it’s your turn for a flogging.

After playtime is over, spare some cuddle time to talk about what you liked or what felt like it belonged in one of the seven circles of hell. And then relax, kinky sex explorer. Your dominatrix would be proud.