Hooking up: it’s all in the stars … and the first few drinks.


Because you’re so practical and emotionally dead in the eyes, it’s really easy for you to stay friends with your exes. However, with Pluto square Mars this November, this could create some friction for you. Your current oral sex dispenser might get insecure at how friendly you are with your past ones, or an ex could discover they still have feelings for you and ignite a whole shitstorm. So, this month, focus on current and future lovers if you want to live.


Your eccentric nature can be easily mistaken for someone who fits the calling card of “party nymph,” but deep down, all you really want is security and someone to sleep with who’s as weird as you are. This month, with your natal planet of Uranus in your fifth house, you’re poised to do just that. The weirder you are, the more people will want to bang you, so work on that Colonel Sanders impression and you’ll be as golden as a crispy boneless wing.


Saturn enters your 12th house this month, which could mean that things you want hidden will make their way to the surface. If you’re being dishonest with your partner and sleeping around, this would be the month to take control of the situation and come clean before other forces do it for you. Conversely, if you’ve been a perfect little angel, expect to blurt out your secret fantasy any day now.


You love a good confrontation, and luckily for you, that’ll lend itself nicely to all the magma-hot makeup sex you’ll have this month. The stars are aligned in a peculiar pattern that makes your instincts for sex and anger cross wires, so basically anytime someone flips you off while you’re driving or you argue with your friend about whether ramen or pho is better, you’ll sprout a literal or metaphorical boner.


Fun fact: the body part associated with your zodiac sign is the neck and throat. It’s where you hold the most physical and spiritual tension, but also where you’re capable of reaping the most pleasure from. So, this month, focus on your neck in the bedroom. A little light, consensual choking never hurt anyone (if you’re into that), but a sensual, longer-than-usual neck kiss will do the trick too. Even wearing a collar, a necktie or a necklace could seem more erotic than usual.


You have the most annoying habit of talking during sex. Not like “hot dirty talking,” but like, “What did you think of Trumbo?” talking. Your mind goes 53 million miles per minute, and sex doesn’t slow it down, so this month, work on that chatty McKathy part of yourself by allowing someone else to do the talking. Be more proactive about asking your partner what they want in bed, giving them the chance to speak for once.


You really have no problem attracting potential fuck buddies when you’re out, and with this month’s bizarro astral configuration of Venus in your first house, that effect will only heighten. Thing is, while you attract a lot of attention in November, you fail to keep it because you’re not quite sure what to do with all this meat being thrown your way. Figure out what you want from these babes before anything else.


Weirdly, despite your inherently sexual nature, you’re really not that into porn. You subscribe to the notion that your own sex life is generally hotter than messy, staged bullshit on YouPorn, but that’ll all change this month when your partner whips out a camera and you discover what it’s like to have all eyes on you (something you’re obsessed with). You’re in for a hot month — just make sure you destroy the evidence if you’re not looking for an AVN award.


This November, expect your usually cooperative nature to just kind of … fall apart and evaporate into space and time. You’ve got Pluto in your eighth house which makes you passionate beyond your normal wet blanket temperament, and as a result you’re likely to find yourself arguing, trying to assert your own status and defending things that don’t need to be defended. Unsurprisingly, this sudden zealousness puts a real damper on your sex life. You, meet hand. Hand, meet you.


Your undying love for analysis and staggering over thinking is really perfect for places like the art world, where you can say pretty much say anything as long as you have an asymmetrical haircut. So, this month, look for love in places of high art: museums, concerts, poorly attended slam poetry readings, etc. Your chances of finding someone in one of those places who sympathizes with your boner for rumination are higher than the Ancient Aliens guy.


For whatever cosmic reason, you and your lover have been separated by geography recently. Maybe they moved to Washington D.C. because their dad bought them an apartment, or maybe they’re just overseas evading arrest. Either way, this is is the perfect month for you to learn about a little thing called phone sex. Google it. Master it. Do it. You’re welcome.


You’re never quite happy with what you have, man. After all, it’s in your nature to seek things. You always want to learn more, see more and fuck more. But did you ever consider that you can do these things with your current partner? There’s no need to resent them because they love you; involve them in your quest for experience, because really, that’s the only way you’re going to have a proper threesome.