Spiritual enlightenment: cool, right? Sure. But, it's not that easy to achieve. There are only so many hours of poorly executed meditation and I am a benevolent being of light mantras you can chant to yourself before you throw your hands in the air, and admit you're just a mortal newb with no real capacity for trans-dimensional sight.

Thankfully, this problem now has a solution … for people with penises.

A new study has found that men can actually (and weirdly) attain a higher spiritual plane if you just cuddle-wuddle their little butts right off. And have sex with them!

You just noodle them in a comfy bed and they're like:

Allow us to explain.

It's because of oxytocin.

Interchangeably referred to as "the bonding drug," the "love drug" and the "sex-n-cuddle hormone," oxytocin is a neurochemical that gets juiced out in copious amounts during boning, moments of elated intimacy, snuggling and childbirth (although at press time, most men aren't capable of that last one).

And, according to new research from Dr. Patty Van Cappellen of Duke University, just a single spritz of it can help tame men's reptilian instincts and pacify them into sublime, zen-like beings capable of spiritual enlightenment. Explaining that she wanted to see whether it was possible to manufacture spirituality, she reported that her team found that men who were sprayed with diluted oxytocin "reported feeling more spiritual" than those who got sprayed with a placebo.

Also, "They reported feeling more positive emotions, such as gratitude and awe," she said. No word as to whether they then Instagrammed a photo of vegan meatloaf with the caption "So blessed to have found the practice of yoga" …

In Van Cappellen's study, 41 male subjects were administered a spray of oxytocin up the nose (the other half were given a placebo). They then underwent a 20-minute guided meditation session and completed a survey measuring their sense of spirituality.

The men who'd inhaled oxytocin rather than the placebo tended to respond to the test questions more positively and showed greater belief in statements like "All life is interconnected" and "There is a larger meaning in life." They, more than the control group, reported they thought they were "With a higher power, and showed an inordinate affinity for the dogma that "Life is meaningful."

Even a week after the oxytocin treatment, the same men remained steadfastly committed to the affirming mantras, suggesting that just a little oxytocin can go a long way into turning men into mushy, woo-woo cuddle buddies.

Well shit! Color us pumpkin spiced.

Van Cappellen says the key takeaway is that "it seems that some of our biology is supporting experiences of spirituality. Oxytocin appeared to create a mindset which actually fosters spirituality." Translation? Oxytocin itself doesn't reveal the meaning of life … but it does enhance pathways in the brain for ideas around the topic to form. Whether or not it also enhances pathways that lead to the mass purchasing of crystals is a un-probed hypothesis.

However, she warns that while cuddle-fucking your man into spiritual enlightenment may work for some, it won't cause everyone to ascend. Her studies also reveal that certain individuals with the CD83 genotype (a variation of heritable genetic identity) are less receptive to the spiritualizing effect of the hormone than others.

Sounds like a personal problem.

Currently, Van Cappellen's research is the first to show that a hormone can actually increase spirituality. However, the night is still young. Much more research is needed to probe the topic because no one's quite sure what oxytocin's side effects or potential negative psychological impacts are. And … what about whether women become more zen after cuddle-sex? Someone should probably look into that. But as long as scientists keep finding ways to turn men from stoic, testosterone-filled beer guts to radiant, beings who've tasted nirvana using techniques no more profound than cuddling and sex, we're guessing research will continue full-steam ahead.