Thinking of it as such only makes you look like a fool …
Look, dating sucks.
Trying to get someone to have sex with you? Even suckier.
And turning that sex into something more, provided you can make it happen in the first place? SuckFest Volume XI.
Yet, even though these are universal truths, they continue to mystify us as we squirm and flail through the dating pool. It's only natural that, in order to wrap our heads around the gainless blood sport we call romance, we sometimes fabricate sets of rules and regulations for ourselves, the likes of which we hope will help us achieve a particular flavor of ardor.
Often, this desire for sets of dating rules manifests itself in the men's mistaken belief that picking up women is some sort of "science" or "game," an interaction that can be manipulated based on how well you play it. This is the whole con of pickup artistry. According to that logic, matters of the heart (or groin) are limited to a set of predefined rules that can be applied anywhere, in any situation, with positive results. For example:
Isolate your target from her friends.
Ask her if you can walk with her.
Give her "the look."
Except, here's the thing: there's huge, bulbous, pulsating problem with that way of thinking.
Men's tendency to view sex as a game or a science makes the assumption that all women are the same.
Games and sciences provide "methods" for men to win chicks over with, something that posits all of womankind as one, prepackaged individual that comes with a handy instructional pamphlet (the advice).
Give Her "The Look." There’s a certain look that you can give a woman that will make her melt. Look deep into her eyes with a soft gaze and sly smirk that conveys “I will ravish you tonight and have my way with you”. She will read your sub-communicated suggestion and feel and instant surge of uncontrollable unconscious sexual desire. For an example check out the movie Top Gun or watch the scene in The Aviator where Leonardo DiCaprio seduces the cigarette girl in under a minute.
This is pickup artist Matt Artisan's advice to men looking to pick up a girl on the street (where approximately zero women like to be hit on, by the way). Did you notice how he implied that the entire female gender will surely be rendered helpless by "The Look"? Never mind the incredibly rape-y statement "I will have my way with you," or the fact that he's legitimately citing Top Gun as an educational source; he clearly states a method (presumably squinting your eyes real good) and a result (uncontrollable unconscious sexual desire) that any man can use in his own hapless experiment or game.
Another one from pickup kook Jon Sinn (sick last name, bro):
Once I’ve isolated and qualified I want to find out her logistics or how she got to the bar/club/whatever. So I’ll ask “Did you guys meet here or all get together to pre-party?” At this point she’s going to tell me whether she drove herself (the best option), came with friends she can leave (2nd best), or is the driver for her friends (worst).
Now I know whether or not I can go for a same night lay. Most of my same night lays have come from mixed groups as most girls drive themselves and most big groups are work or birthday related In my experience.
… "Isolated and qualified"? Dear old Jon Sinn seems to think women are algebraic variables.
He also seems to think that all women will offer the same response to his inane question about where whatever poor girl he's hitting on met her friends: "At this point, she's going to tell me blah blah blah." Clearly, in addition to being sinful, he's also clairvoyant. Again, his method (a predetermined conversation) has a result ("same-night lay").
As the female subject of such misguided attempts at sex, blanket statements and beliefs like these are incredibly objectifying and dehumanizing. Being seen as nothing more than an easily manipulated walking vagina who'll succumb to the right combination of words or facial twitches undermines her personhood, while being treated as the "goal" of the game or the "result" of a scientific method takes away any chance for intimacy or real connection. When sexual exploration becomes goal-oriented due to this male thought pattern, satisfaction becomes secondary, and we risk missing out on the various kinds of emotional and physical satisfaction sex offers. It's a massive failure not to see her, along with every other woman, as an individual with unique tastes and needs.
TL:DR: we have shitty, pointless sex, obligatory coitus that leave both parties feeling empty.
Ironically this, hurts men who believe in the game/science ideology more than the women they accost in trying to live out some adolescent pussy magician fantasy of theirs. Why? They never get better. They're stuck in arrested development, in a pattern of thinking that leaves no room for personal evolution.
The regulations of the game or the methods of the science demand repeating, since, after all, every woman "is the same." But once men learn that every woman is entirely different from the next and deserves to be treated not an object but as a person, they infinitely expand their sexual and romantic skill set. And as we know, sex is a referral business. Being conscientious and adaptable will only beget recommendation.
In the end, there is no prescriptive method for hitting on women (or men for that matter).
Instead, when it comes to approaching the opposite sex, we'd all do better to consider whomever we're talking to as individuals with idiosyncratic needs and interests. Treat the interaction as a conversation in which you have the opportunity to find out who they are, and open yourself up to the possibility of a different outcome than what you expected or feel entitled to.
Men, that'll benefit you more than you know. Yes, we all want to come home with a warm body in tow at night, but if you have the capacity to shed the concept that all women are equally susceptible to your ploy, you have an actual chance of making a real genuine connection with someone you actually want to have sex with.
That, or read our Girl's Guide to Hitting on Girls. We actually talked to tens of women for a somewhat statistically significant synthesis, which further proves our point that when you don't understand something, you should just ask about it. Le duh.