That's it. We're never going back to Michigan. 

As if the people of Michigan didn't have enough problems. First, their entire state looks like a mitten. Then, their water comes out of the tap in Flint looking like diarrhea. Life's gotta be hard over there, and any stressed-out Michiganders that used to unwind with consensual sodomy or oral sex are now shit out of luck. 

From The Free Thought Project:

During their session last week, the Michigan Senate passed a bill that effectively bans all forms of sodomy, anal, oral, gay and non-gay — making the acts punishable by up to 15 years in prison.

The passage of this Bill is in spite of the U.S. Supreme Court’s 2003 ruling in Lawrence v. Texas declaring sodomy bans unconstitutional.

In an attempt to skirt the legal boundaries of the SCOTUS ruling, Michigan encompasses these so-called ‘sex crimes’ into the legislation on bestiality — as if the two are related in any way whatsoever.

“A person who commits the abominable and detestable crime against nature either with mankind or with any animal is guilty of a felony,” reads SB 219.

And, if the state catches you committing this ‘felony,’ you will face ‘not more than 15 years’ in prison.

So in an effort to prevent people from having sex with animals (which we can all agree is a bad thing), the lawmakers quickly slipped in terms that would legally let police arrest those of us who use the Hershey highway or kiss your partner's downstairs mouth. 

And clearly the members of the Michigan government who voted on this were stuck — voting "no" means they're for people having sex with animals, but voting "yes" means they want the more sexually adventurous among us to see prison time. God, politics are the worst.