Redhead. Ebony. Shemale. Asian. Small tits.
These are porn categories ruled by single, physical traits; categories that receive millions upon millions of views on porn sites from people who find themselves disproportionately attracted to them. Both online and off, features like these are subjected to something called fetishization, or the "inordinate or excessive" sexual attraction to a particular part of a person.
However, despite the fact that traits like hair color, skin color or breast size are only a minute fraction of who someone is, these trivial features are often idolized by people with particular desires to the point that the full picture of the identity of the person who has them starts to fade away. When these features are made the focus of someone's sexual attention, the importance of the person behind them becomes diluted in favor of, say, their tiny boobs, that one, single trait becomes more important than who they are.
Yet, while there's nothing wrong with having a fetish, or being really attracted to a certain part of someone, we have to remember that there's an actual person behind that fetish. How does that person actually feel when a part of them is the target of this sexual idolization?
To find out, we spoke with people who embody some of these traits, but before we get to them, let's use the example of "Yellow Fever" as a foray into what fetishization feels like for the person on the receiving end.
Yellow Fever falls under the category of something called racial fetishization, which refers to the process of sexually objectifying a person or culture belonging to a race or ethnic group that's not yours. The problem here isn't that you shouldn't be attracted to people outside your own race — rather, it's that fetishization necessarily involves racial/ethnic stereotyping. In saying "I like Asian girls," you're inherently making a generalization about what Asian girls are like.
A perfect example of this are Gwen Stefani's infamously maligned "Harajuku Girls," a strange celebrity posse that comedian Margaret Cho has described as a "minstrel show" because of how they represent a fetishized Asian stereotype — giggly, anime-like girls who are submissive to a white protagonist. Before Stefani realized how insanely objectifying that was, she had these girls follow her around on tour where they were contractually obligated not to speak English in public, and she even “renamed” them corresponding to her album title and clothing brand L.A.M.B.: Love, Angel, Music, and Baby. In doing this, she presented them more as accessories than human beings who were her friends or collaborators. That, kids, is the essence of fetishization.
In an essay titled "How it feels to be fetishized as an Asian sex worker," an anonymous dominatrix writes about her own experience with this kind of objectification:
Growing up, I was constantly reduced to my ethnicity. People always assumed, among other things, that I was great at math, and that I was shy and submissive. But it wasn’t until my twenties that I felt just how much society sexualizes Asian women. Men didn’t seem to want me for me — they wanted what I represented: some sort of oriental mystique. I was "exotic" and could’ve been swapped out for any other Asian girl — I just happened to be the one that was available. My individuality was completely dismissed …
… After a few months of domming, I began to realize that there were two sides to the fetishization of our race. There was our exoticized appearance — recent studies have suggested that Asian women are often considered more attractive on average, and we get more responses than women of any other race on dating websites. Beyond that, Asians are generally considered more submissive (a stereotype that’s perpetuated by the media) — which makes us even more desirable as dominatrixes, since apparently, there’s something particularly hot about being dominated by an already-sexualized woman acting out of character …
.. I also came to find that, as an Asian woman, I was a particularly safe outlet for men whose desires were repressed in the vanilla world. It would typically play out like this: A straight man would want activities that could be construed by mainstream culture as "gay," such as pegging or forced bi (when a man is forced by a dominatrix to perform homosexual acts with another man). Instead of seeking those out in the "real" world, he’d come to a dominatrix so that she could "force" him to do them. Because these activities were proxied, he would retain his heterosexual identity, protect his ego, and adhere to constructs of masculinity. And since Asian women are associated with high levels of femininity, we therefore strengthened the shield even more.
That sort of human reduction isn't the greatest feeling in the world, even when the intention behind it is meant to be complimentary. What's more, is that when you're used as a vehicle for someone else's sexual expression, rather than considered as an equal with your own romantic or intimate needs, you start to consider yourself that way.
"At this point, I tend to assume a guy is with me because of my boobs," Rachel Wilson, a particularly busty friend of ours tells us. "Men have fixated on that part of my body so much in my life that I feel like I have to work harder to be seen as more than a pair of tits."
Ironically though, when I ask her whether she appreciates the boob adulation, she says she does.
"I like that people find a part of me beautiful," she explains. "It honestly makes me feel good about myself. And that fact that I do have to work harder also makes me try to be smarter, funnier and more interesting than my tits would suggest I am, which is the reason why I tend to be appreciated for my personality too. I like that the hard work pays off."
However, not everyone is as optimistic about being a fetish target.
"I have the hardest time understanding it, but I think it's because I don't have a fetish of my own," says Miranda Conway*, a 27-year-old with flaming red hair. Currently, "redheads" is a popular category on Pornhub — and the one that reportedly gets people off the fastest. On average, users spend about nine minutes abusing their genitals on the site, but only about six when watching redhead porn, something the site interprets as a quicker whack-off time. This might explain why nearly every high-traffic porn site has a "redhead" category, something that probably has more than a little to do with the stereotype of redheads as being feistier and more sexual than blondes or brunettes.
Warren Roberts* is a casting couch porn actor, who asked us to keep his website secret as to not spoil the myth that it's all scripted. He wholeheartedly agrees with the redhead stereotype.
"There's something about the color red that drives viewers crazy," he tells us. "Our redhead videos do great because red is inherently connected to feelings of lust or passion in our society. There's a belief that women with red hair tend to be more passionately oriented."
Miranda finds this assumption puzzling.
"Men do tend to fixate on my hair, and it blows my mind because I can't think of anything less representative of my personality or who I am sexually," Miranda explains. "I don't think I'm any more or less 'passionate' than anyone else because of my hair color. I appreciate being made to feel desirable, but focusing on something as trivial as hair makes me feel like there's only one part of me someone cares about. I could be the worst person in the entire world, and people would still be attracted to me based on my hair color alone. I just totally don't understand it."
Julia Thomas, a 25-year-old medical student with huge, beautiful size 11 feet is in the same boat — half intrigued, half confused. Men have, ironically, thrown themselves at her feet for a chance for worship them.
"I really like that guys literally worship a part of me … it definitely makes me feel powerful and in control," she admits. "But when I've had relationships with men who feel that way about my feet, it does get a little old. It tends to become the focus of what gets them off, which is just how fetishes work for many people. I try to be understanding, but as the person on the receiving end of that, I start to wonder if they're with me because they see me as an object, not because they particularly care who I am. It's not the best feeling."
It's not just men who fetishize seemingly trivial parts of women's bodies though.
Ever heard of a size queen?
"I won't have sex with a guy unless he's at least eight inches," says Natalie Tzara*, a self-proclaimed size queen and music publisher who lives in Los Angeles. "The only porn I watch is big dick porn. I've fucked guys simply based on their size alone. I can't help it; it's just what turns me on."
When asked why she tends to fixate on size, as opposed to sexual chemistry, emotional connection, or the fuller package of someone's body and personality, she replied, "I associate large size with extreme masculinity. An imposing penis makes me feel particularly feminine and delicate, and I think I'm really aroused by that feeling."
Warren, who happens to have a pretty large dick himself (according to the porn he makes) says he actually doesn't mind his penis being fetishized.
"It makes me a lot of money, and I love that women appreciate it," he says.
However, Warren is a straight, white male. He's not used to being objectified or negatively stereotyped, so he says he feels comfortable with women lusting after one, specific part of him without giving a second thought to his personality or non-genital talents.
It's can be a different story for males of other races, though. Black men are often racially fetishized due to the size myth, something that plays heavily into BBC (big black cock) fantasies or cuckolding, the later of which typically involves a man watching his wife or girlfriend have sex with another, often much more well-endowed man. In much cuckolding porn, the black men participating in cuckold are often referred to as "mandingos" or "bulls," terms that can be painfully objectifying in and of themselves and further serve to dilute the man's identity in favor of zeroing in on a sexualized aspect of it.
Yet, this brings up an interesting point. While being the target of fetishization can feel painful, awkward or confusing, it's not the fetish itself that exacts these emotions — it's the intent behind it. It's fine for someone to be attracted to your race, for example, but to reduce you to a "mandingo" in a sexual setting doesn't advance either party in any way.
It the intent is to fixate on a feature of a person, while simultaneously acknowledging that person is much more than the feature in question, all's well. With consent and attention to the entire person and their needs, fetishization can be fun, healthy and adaptive, especially if it takes place within the context of a relationship that employs more sexual diversity than single fetish fantasy. In that case, it can make the target of such adoration feel confident knowing that a part of them is so adored, yet the rest of them is loved as well.
On the other hand, if the person with the fetish has trouble seeing the complete picture of the person who embodies that fetish, chances are that's a really uncomfortable feeling for them, especially since they tend not to see themselves in such limited terms.
Sexuality is too nuanced and subjective to make broad generalizations about how everyone who is fetishized will feel, though. Every single person has their own experience and opinion with it, which only serves to highlight the importance of communicating about such an issue before you project your desires on to someone, or have them projected upon you.
Keep that in mind next time you run into a redheaded Asian with huge feet who's down to cuckold.
*Names have been changed to respect privacy.
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