But … do turtles even have penises? 

Oh, Internet … you and your Rule 34: no matter what it is, there's a porn version somewhere. And while we jokingly thought it would be a good idea, we totally changed our minds after watching this trailer. (In fact, we get bonus points for totally nailing their origin story to a tee.)

And no, Megan Fox is nowhere to be found. Sorry. 

But if you're looking to destroy all the fond childhood memories that Michael Bay hasn't quite completely ruined, then you're in luck. Mostly filled with turtle-related puns, this might be something we'll skip. 

The guys in charge are pretty proud of all their hard work, too. 

"Believe it or not, this is our first attempt at making mutant reptile porn," director Lee Roy Myers (Game of Bones, Strokémon) told Complex. "We tried. We had fun. We learned a lot." In fact, Myers is convinced this just might be WoodRocket's magnum opus.

"We may have just made our porn parody masterpiece," Myers said. "Ten Inch Mutant Ninja Turtles might be our Mona Lisa with a green penis."

So the names are pretty funny and the costumes look about as good as the real ones in TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze, but we're just having a hard time with this one.