What's better than finding a sex toy on the beach? Finding a sex toy stuffed with cash on the beach. And, if you're in LA tomorrow, that broke masturbator could be you. 

What's better than finding a sex toy on the beach? Finding a sex toy stuffed with cash on the beach. And, if you're in LA tomorrow, that broke masturbator could be you.

Tomorrow 200 cash-filled Fleshlights will be scattered across LA by "pickup artists." We don't know why this is happening, but what we do know is that Fleshlight had an extra $10,000 lying around. Since they're familiar with their demographic, they gave it all to Simple Pickup to produce some promotional material. They in turn, interpreted "ham wallet" literally and are imploring Los Angelenos to follow their extensive social media presence with #fleshcash to locate the paper-filled pussies for instant monetary and sexual gratification. If you end up finding one of these cash-crammed coochies, make sure you take the money out first. Nobody accepts semen-stained dollars, nor does anyone want to see a paper-cut dick. Although if you're using a Fleshlight you found in a tree, we can safely assume no human has seen your pecker in some time anyway. 

In case you don't believe that someone would hide $50 or more inside a $64 sex toy and just leave them lying around a dirty city, here's the video. 

But while we're on the subject of Fleshlights, there's something that's always confused us. Why do they have clits? They're not functional, and the lonely men who rely on Fleshlights for company most likely have no idea what that little nub is for anyway. Is it for realism, probably, but what's real about wanking into a flashlight? Is it really necessary? And, isn't it depressing to put an anatomically correct vagina in the dishwasher? Oh well, happy snatch scavenging everyone.