Oooooooooooh … crap …

Welp, here you have it. The world has officially gone to hell and it broke the hand basket on its way in. According to Helmut Norpoth, a professor of political science at Stony Brook University, Donald Trump is going to win the presidential race — a conclusion he's come to by working with the same statistical model used to correctly predict at least 4 elections. 

“You think ‘This is crazy. How can anything come up with something like that?’ ” Norpoth said during his late-February presentation. “But that’s exactly the kind of equation I used to predict Bill Clinton winning in ‘96, that I used to predict that George Bush would win in 2004, and, as you remember four years ago, that Obama would win in 2012.”

The professor uses "a candidate’s performance in their party’s primary and patterns in the electoral cycle as predictors of the presidential vote in the general election" to decide which candidate will come out on top. Using various combinations of possible cards, he found that Trump has a 97 percent chance of beating Hillary Clinton (if he wins in the primaries, which he probably will), and a whopping 99 percent chance of extinguishing the Bern. 

Comments from people on the thread are quick to point out, however, that this election cycle has an unprecedented amount of variables we've yet to see in past elections. The fact that Trump has completely torn apart the thread of the Republican party is one, and it completely misses the point that most people will vote for anyone but Trump just to keep him out. (Though the same could also be said for Clinton. Basically, we're fucked either way.) But his unwavering victories in most states and commanding lead in the primaries shows he has strong support somewhere regardless — from who, we're not exactly sure, but they're out there.

All's not lost though, because we can always take up this Canadian island's offer of being able to move there when President Trump is a real thing. 

The world has gone completely mad …