There are a ton of lawyers in hell…

Before you engage in a bout of premarital sex, we highly recommend that you take a cold shower and listen to the prophetic words of right-wing radio talk show host Bryan Fischer.

That’s because Mr. Fischer has words of legal advice to save your relationship and ensure you never have to negotiate contract law with the devil himself.

In a talk on Fischer’s radio show “Focal Point” — a show that bills itself as “muscular Christianity” — claims that when people engage in premarital sex, they're essentially giving Satan grounds for legal action in relationships. This also happens to be his answer as to why so many couples experience relationship hang-ups before marriage … because Satan took legal action … because Satan is an attorney … and Satan abides by the law in hell.

Let Fischer give you a better explanation:

“Here’s the reason it’s a problem," he says. "When an engaged couple has sex before they are married it gives legal ground to Satan. It gives him some turf. It gives him some space. It gives him some part of that relationship over which he has control. Because remember, I said sex is very powerful. If it is misused it’s one of the ways in which Satan is given very powerful legal ground in a relationship.”

Sounds about right. But believe it or not, this isn’t Fischer’s first time dropping knowledge on his right-wing groupies. Fischer’s show is closely affiliated with American Family Association, which is considered a hate group by the Southern Poverty Law Center for its anti-gay and racist comments, most of which come from Fischer himself. Isn’t free speech beautiful?  

Still, we’re absolutely heeding the warning for premarital sex and Satan’s taking back turf. Considering the large number of attorney’s currently residing in hell, we wouldn’t be surprised with the depth and experience of Satan’s legal team. Bam! Lawyer joke inserted.