“We want proof that our partner ‘came,’” long-time sex educator Carlin Ross tells me. “We’re fueled by the desire to document the elusive female orgasm.”
I turned to Ross in search of something that pornography had taught me was the Holy Grail of female climax — a gushing, extravagant squirt.
As a woman who’s had her vulva broadcast on national television in Norway, Ross was my first pick for vaginal enlightenment.
I turned to her after my late-in-life discovery of internet porn. After 25 years pornography-free, my virgin eyes watched woman after woman blast forth from their pussy a powerful display of pleasure, and watched the sheer ecstasy involved in achieving that cascade of sex juices. I wanted that sense of achievement for myself and my boyfriend. Wanted it bad.
Ross tells me I’m not the only one. “Squirting is seen as desirable because of the influence of pornography. It’s quite dramatic on camera and something new in the industry,” she says.
Thankfully, squirting is much more than a sexual talent only porn stars can spray their partners with. It happens to real women in real life, when a woman’s G-spot swells with fluid and releases a wave of lady-ejaculate.
“All women can learn how to squirt,” Ross assures me. I share her wisdom here, to help others down their vajaculation journey.
SQUIRTING =/= ORGASM
Just because you made a girl squirt, doesn’t mean you made her come.
“Men ejaculate during orgasm, so we assume that women ejaculating means that they've had an orgasm too,” Ross says. “Ejaculation can accompany an orgasm but it's not an orgasm in and of itself — in either women and men.”
To accomplish the genital Old Faithfuls you see in the skin flicks, you’ll want to combine ejaculation with your orgasm. In one of their many sex education YouTube videos, Ross and her colleague Betty Dodson explain how. To pair them together, they say, “at the moment of orgasm, push out like you’re going to have a baby. You’re giving birth to an orgasm.”
It takes a fully-prepared lady to squirt her heart out. Before bursting onto the bed sheets, drink a bunch of water.
“I've been on plenty of porn sets where the actresses drink tons of water before a squirting scene,” Ross says.
Then, make sure go to the bathroom. Fighting the constant fear that you’re about to piss yourself makes it difficult to relax at the moment of “thar she blows.”
Finally, get yourself in the mood. Watch some porn for women, look through some Craigslist dick pics, or enjoy some freaky hentai. The more hydrated, comfortable and turned on you are, the easier the stream will come and better it will feel.
YES, THERE’S SOME URINE
Squirters and squirt-lovers alike revolted when a study in "The Journal of Sexual Medicine" found that squirting is nothing more than pissing in the throes of pleasure. Understandably so — it made their magical sexual ability seem gross.
While many gushers vehemently disputed the study, it wasn’t entirely wrong. Ross says, “We know from the pioneering work of Beverly Whipple and Alice Laddice that there is about 1 teaspoon of prostatic-like fluid — the ejaculate — that can be accompanied by fresh urine from the bladder. If you look at the structure of the urinary sponge — the G-spot — it's not large enough to hold the amount of fluid in most ejaculation porn scenes.”
She continues, “When I've experienced authentic female ejaculate, it's always been a soft little trickle not a ‘spray’ across the room. If it feels good, who cares what it is.”
FOCUS ON THE G-SPOT
“The key to female sexual pleasure is the clitoris,” Ross says. To give a woman a tried-and-true orgasm, focus on her clit. To make a woman squirt, on the other hand, you’ll have to focus on her G-spot.
Most women need rapid and intense manipulation of their G-spot in order to squirt. This hidden trigger can be found on the roof of the vagina, about two inches inside the vaginal opening. You can stimulate it with your fingers or with a toy.
As a woman gets close to her “G-spot orgasm,” she’ll likely clench up. This is natural, because it feels a lot like you have to pee. You’ll have to relax — even push — to become a sexual sprinkler.
Ross explains how her favorite technique of activating the G-spot combines the best of both worlds. “Betty and I love the combination orgasm: clitoral stimulation with vaginal penetration. We want both,” She says.
“The vagina is most sensitive a few inches from the opening. I prefer a glass dildo with a curve in it and a mushroom head. Then I can use my vibrator while I toggle my dildo — pulling it in and out of my vagina just a few inches — while I masturbate.”
DON’T FALL FOR THE PORN HYPE
Porn stars’ theatrical shrieks of pleasure aren’t the only unrealistic part of their Oscar-worthy performances.
“Squirting scenes in porn are like anything we see on camera — it's all simulated and exaggerated,” Ross says.
Real squirting, for example, doesn’t always gush out like a firehose. All women squirt to a degree, but shooting across the room isn’t a skill many ladies possess. To embellish their ejaculate from a trickle to a tsunami, some porn stars will sometimes even fill their vaginas with water and then squirt it out.
In other words, trying to squirt like the PornHub hotties is a lost cause. And trying too hard can actually damage the pelvic muscles, and lay waste to all those kegel exercises.
At the dejected, dead end of my vajaculation journey, Ross offered some advice: “Examine why you're in such a heat to ejaculate,” she tells me. “If it's just another hoop to jump through to please someone else, shelve it. Ejaculation isn't an orgasm.”
Ladies who abandon their hopes of squirting can focus on the number one sweet spot — their clitoris. Ross suggests trying out “edging,” instead.
She explains, “I would focus on extended masturbation sessions, getting to know your body and what turns you on. Then you can try edging: when you're about to orgasm, pull back for a minute or two and don't come. Do that a few times and when you finally orgasm, it will be so intense. You have to build sexual energy, and all you need is your clitoris.”
After all, there’s no wrong way to let your feminine fountain flow.