If you’ve been struggling to get in the mood, you’re not alone in losing your mojo. A study in The Journal of Sexual Medicine concluded that one in four people experienced decreased sex drive due to stress caused by the Coronavirus pandemic. At a time when we’re constantly exposed to unrealistic expectations of society, politics are driving everyone nuts, and the stress of Covid is lurking around every corner it’s no wonder we’re having less sex. The funny thing is, sex is a stress reliever, can increase confidence, and get us high on brain chemicals that create positive emotions. So, how do we avoid this never-ending loop of sexless depression? What many people don’t realize is that we influence our sex drive, or libido, more than it influences us. It’s rare that libidos 100% match in a relationship, but understanding their differences will lead you to a closer partnership, improved health, and better sex.

Sexual appetite largely differs depending on your hormones which is why we see different levels of desire in men vs. women vs. intersex. We’re told that lady libidos fluctuate whereas men are down to fuck anytime, anywhere because their minds (thanks to testosterone) are constantly distracted with tits and ass. A study of female to male transitions taking testosterone treatments have reported their surprise of how much sex constantly distracts them when any woman is in site, in comparison to before hormonal therapy. Testosterone therapy is used in both women and men suffering from low sex drive and depression, just in different dosages. You can improve your testosterone levels through diet, supplements, high intensity exercise or weight lifting, and adrenaline pumping activities. So, what if you’re pumped up and looking like a snack but your partner is the one lacking a sexual appetite? 

It's called sexual desire discrepancy and is super common. Men and women have different ways of using sex as a tool. Generally speaking, men tend to use sex to fix problems but women need to fix problems first to properly enjoy sex. I could be receiving the best oral sex of my life but be totally distracted by invasive thoughts about what I should have said to the bitch that cut me in the grocery line. Basically, it comes down to stress. Stress isn’t just a libido killer for women, it can negatively affect anyone’s sex drive. Destressing with a relaxing bath or some creative expression before your hot date with a fuck buddy is the way to go. My favorite way to destress before getting it on is starting with a really good massage. Try getting oiled up with a partner first and make them work for it! Building up anticipation without the pressure of penetration makes it super hot if and when things do get X rated. Substances like cannabis and alcohol help if you’re not getting too trashed. Even playing a game can lighten the mood and help you relax. Setting the mood with some sexy music is a great way to calm stress levels. Add a strip tease and your partner will be craving you more than a fat kid craves cake. Play is a great way to enhance a woman’s sexual appetite as it prolongs the act of sex further than simple penetration.
It’s not necessarily that men have a stronger libido and crave more sex than women, it’s that women prefer more sex play. Esther Perel says “Foreplay is not five minutes before the real thing, foreplay starts at the end of the previous orgasm.” The possibilities are endless if we broaden our definition of sex outside of just intercourse followed by an orgasm. Sex can include mutual masturbation, dirty dancing, and talking about fantasies. Try sending sexy text messages throughout the day to get yourself and your partner in the mood. Instead of moving right to the physical, talk about one of the hottest sexual encounters you’ve shared with your partner. Rethinking how to approach sex with a longer timeline will help you get to that dripping, sweet honey at the end of the multiple orgasm rainbow without the pressure of making it happen right now. 
Let’s not forget that sex is a release from all the bullshit of life. Nothing is as satisfying as an orgasm. It’s worth taking the time to nurture your libido and a partner’s to share that special union where problems don’t exist and all that matters is how good it feels at the peak of your pleasure. You’ve got this!