"Short, shriveled and to the left," is the new "tall, dark and handsome" … Just in time for Valentine's Day!

Let’s be honest, penises are about as unsightly as it gets. You can keep it clean and trim but that flaccid flank between our thighs is nearly indistinguishable from a naked mole rate or an age-progressed Minion. Fortunately, a Swedish toy maker, Lelo, has made it possible for us to dress up our penises for success with a new line of dong suits — but not just any suit … a tuxedo.

The Lelo Tux is a miniature, uniquely tailored, satin suit. The suit only comes in one size; however, so the ‘growers’ out there may need to do a little at home customizing to make sure their tux fits appropriately. A built-in band which wraps around the ol’ scrot keeps the suit in place. The tuxedo comes fashioned with a bow tie and satin rose, meaning you can dress your dick up like the latest Bachelor for the reasonable price of $29.95. Here, look:

On LELO’s site one reviewer by the name of Bill gave the penis tuxedo rave reviews:

“When LELO contacted me about reviewing this product, I knew I just had to. It fits great , there is a little band that goes under your family jewels so it stays on, and the material is high quality so feels great too. It's a bit of fun, and I must admit, I felt like James Bond (in a weird but sexy way). Would recommend this to any who likes to have fun in the bedroom.”

The name's Dong. James, Dong.