For those times when lights-off missionary just isn't cutting it.

Despite its rosy exterior and pleasant population, Denver is one freaky city. Home to an innumerable amount of very un-vanilla groups, classes and regular parties, it's heaven for anyone dreaming of a world beyond lights-off missionary. From BDSM to swinging to nudist colonies to tiny strippers, this city welcomes your pervert-ass with open handcuffs … we mean arms.

Sweets Entertainment

Sweets provides private events and parties for couples and singles involved in the swinging lifestyle. Although their events are few and far between, they're meticulously planned and often include other avenues for social connection outside sex, which is kinda nice considering it gives people who practice the lifestyle the opportunity not to just fuck, but to build community as well.

"We provide a social network for you to party, dance, engage in conversation in a sexy non-pressure, non threatening atmosphere," their site reads.  "You will find our parties very lively and every detail has been planned out for your exclusive enjoyment. Our events range anywhere from lively mix-n-mingles, Sunday BBQs in the summer, sexy evening theme parties, girls night out and nights in;-), and charity events." Ahh, finally; somewhere to cuckold your man and donate to ALS.

Not just anyone can go, however. There is a semi-involved application process to join Sweets, but that's just to ensure no liver-spotted Guy Fieris on mescaline try to join your wife swap.

Lannie's Clocktower Cabaret

Lannie's is a great place to go if you're looking for a show, but don't necessarily want to be a part of that show. Known as essentially a variety-show house, Lannie's puts on sensual performances like burlesque, sexy circuses, naughty cabaret, drag bingo and more. Nothing's particularly X-rated at Lannie's; it's more "fun" sexy than "kinky," but it's the perfect place to go if you're looking for some light, inoffensive debauchery.

Mon Chalet

Located in Aurora, Mon Chalet bills itself as an optional (nude) swimming pool and hot tub area where swingers can meet. Anyone is welcome, so it's great for a spur-of-the-moment kind of thing … especially if you're into decor that looks a refurbished '70s yacht. They also have a number of fantasy sweets that could be remnants of the Fear and Loathing film set, as well as their own erotic cable channel for those who'd like a side of porn with their hot tub orgy. It's a little on the raunchy, endearingly trashy side, but if you're looking for something truly dirty, we'd highly recommend it.

The Denver Sanctuary

The Sanctuary is meant for those with a serious interest in, or dedication to BDSM. It's a secret club that requires both a membership and the ability to follow some highly specific rules that you learn during orientation; you'll need both those things to attend any class or play event. But, once you're in, you have access to a wide variety of parties, classes and discussion groups meant to help you fulfill your fantasies to the best of your ability. They also have a swinger's party called LUST where you can combine your love for BDSM and multiple partners into one steamy-ass reality.

Denver Bound

Denver Bound is an educational group that specializes in the art of rope bondage as well as safety. Classes include important life skills like how to play with your partner while you're tying them up, how to tie someone to a chair, hog-tying, suspension, decorative ties and more.

Scarlet Ranch

This is an upscale mountain lodge retreat for swingers who want to indulge in the lifestyle in a more sophisticated atmosphere. Scarlet Ranch has hot tubs, fine-dining, beautifully manicured landscapes, a dance floor, several bar areas, and most importantly, shuffleboard. It's basically the typical Colorado nature retreat most people might imagine, but with an erotic twist. They're also huge; they attract more than 450 new members every month which means the members are always new and exciting, like freshly fallen Colorado snow that likes a good train run on it every now and then.

Mountain Air Ranch

Kinky mountain retreats: apparently Colorado loves them. Mountain Air Ranch is similar to Scarlet Ranch, but more geared towards nudists than swingers. It's also kind of family-oriented, meaning there's not a lot of sex stuff that happens out in the open there, it's more just a place where people can freely express their utter and undying hatred for clothing. Located about 45 minutes outside of the city, Mountain Air Ranch has all the summer camp-esque activities you'd want in a mountain vacation such as naked volleyball and camping … but don't blame us if you wake up with a mosquito bite on your uterus.

Midtowne Spa

No girls allowed at Midtowne Spa, a franchise men's only bathhouse with all the amenities you'd expect in a male spa; saunas, pools, and a dungeon room with a double bed. Of course, it functions as a typical spa as in people will massage you and cleanse your pores with botanical facial scrubs, but there's also a pretty good amount of gay sexy stuff going on if you're looking for a different kind of massage and facial. The Denver location has a "jail cell" and a coffee bar too, in case you want to incarcerate, then caffeinate your lovely boner.

La Bohème

Denver is teeming with strip clubs, but there's something special about La Boheme. Maybe it's the fact that the strippers actually seem to enjoy their jobs and customers, but really, it's probably more that they bring in guest strippers and porn stars whenever possible, which is why Little Sassy Cassee, the world's smallest stripper, ended up on stage there. Instead of the vaguely depressing, dirty vibe most strip clubs exist within, La Boheme is refreshingly upbeat with a modern rock and pin-up girl vibe for those times when crying into your lobster buffet dinner while Sapphire, the mother of two, lackadaisically jiggling her child-bearing hips in your direction just doesn't cut it.

Sex Dungeons

Denver is home to several really awesome dungeons where you can go to play privately if you're into fetish and BDSM, all of which specialize in kink education, counseling and practice.

Here are a few of the better ones:


So, there you have it! And if none of these things meet your needs, there's always the Denver Craiglist. That shit is nuts: