Want sexual enlightenment, but only have time for a quickie? Every week, we recap the most interesting sex headlines from around the world.

1. A massive new study of online dating finds that both men and women pursue partners who are about 25 percent more desirable than themselves. Researchers analyzed the dating app messages of more than 186,000 straight men and women, and found that basically everyone is trying to date “out of their league.”

2. Brock Turner loses appeal to overturn sexual assault conviction. Brock Turner is the Stanford freshman convicted of sexually assaulting a drunk, passed-out woman behind a dumpster.  His extremely light sentence, serving only three months in county jail, set off a national outcry and drew attention to sexual assaults on college campuses. Turner’s lawyer argued that he should not have been  convicted of intending to commit rape because he had kept his pants on and fly zipped and had only wanted “outercourse,” which he defined as sexual activity other than vaginal sex. Unfortunately for Turner, the panel didn’t agree, and affirmed the conviction.

3. Finally, we have answers about how cocaine affects your dick and sperm. And it’s not good news. Studies show booger sugar leads to increased sexual desire but decreased condom usage. It also leads to ejaculation difficulties and lower ejaculation volumes. And every dude already knows that coke can make your cock shrink to the size of an almond. In summary: do a line and you’ll end up in a desperate position of wanting to have sex, but not being able to get hard. If you do get it up, you likely don’t use a condom and have a higher risk of STDs. And then you probably aren’t able to orgasm, and if by some miracle you do, you will blow a weak load with a dramatically low sperm count.

4. Michael Avenatti, the insufferable attorney for Stormy Daniels, explores a run for president. He arrived in Iowa this weekend to announce that his foray into presidential politics is no stunt — he has eyes on the White House. He met with Democratic party officials Friday, as well as farmers affected by President Donald Trump's tariffs. Avenatti’s aggressiveness toward Trump has made him a hero to some on the left.

5. Americans have some pretty vanilla sexual fantasies, finds a new book by sex researcher Dr. Justin Lehmiller. Lehmiller conducted the largest-ever research project on sexual fantasy and desire, and found that Americans are surprisingly romantic and loyal to their partners. Nine out of 10 Americans reported they fantasize about their current partner. They fantasize about being emotionally validated far more than they fantasized about emotionless sex. And favorite fantasies about simply trying a new sex act or engaging in a favorite one, statistically speaking, outnumbered favorite fantasies that fall under the category “taboo and forbidden sex” (like BDSM or cuckolding or some other kinky shit).

6. Transgender people are viewed as less attractive — regardless of their actual appearance — according to new research. Transgender people often lament that potential partners seem less romantically and sexually attracted to them after learning about their transgender status. The study of hundreds of heterosexual college students indicates their suspicions are true. The young men and women even reported they’d be less likely to befriend transgender people.

7. Introducing: the ‘Hunger Games’ of porn: a reality series where adult stars compete for crypto. This year, PornHub is rolling out the first ever “Pornhub Awards” on September 6, an awards show aiming to challenge the long-standing AVN Awards for the title of “the Oscars of Porn.” The “PornHub Games” was created to promote the new awards show, following six female performers as they compete in categories starting with pole dancing and escalating into hardcore content. The winner will be crowned at the awards show.

8. Two in five straight men don't know how often their partners orgasm, a new study shows. The researchers found that just 14 percent of women misperceived how often their husbands were having orgasms (6 percent were underperceivers, while 8 percent were overperceivers). By contrast, 42% of men misperceived their wives’ orgasmic frequency (17% underestimated, while 25% overestimated). It’s time to close the orgasm gap, damn it!