Kanye West says he’s not into butt stuff.

But Drake? Word is, he’s pretty down for it. That's a big deal for one of the most popular figures of an infamously macho, masculine and sometimes misogynistic music genre.

So, does that mean that liking stuff up your ass as a straight dude is … totally fine?

Like Kayne, I’ve never had anything done to my butt. I was raised with the narrative that wanting anything up your ass as a dude meant that you were gay. It was the ultimate conquest to fuck a girl in the ass, but a single, feminine finger up your steel manhole?

“You’re gay, dude.”

Of course, I don’t think being gay is a bad thing at all. But, the mistaken rhetoric that it is a bad thing got drilled into my Catholic school, white suburban town male brain at an early age — and now as an adult straight dude, I can’t escape the mindset that my butt is off limits, even to sexy ladies. I’ve never even thought to give it a try.

On paper, the fear is totally ridiculous. Firstly because anal penetration is not universally practiced by all gay men. There aren’t any exact figures, however, a 2011 study by the Journal of Sexual Medicine, reported that only about a third of gay dudes engage in anal sex in their current relationships. So, butt play isn’t even a “gay” thing.

Next, it’s important to note that women don’t have a G-spot in their ass, yet they’re perfectly down to try anal. And it’s socially acceptable for them to. On the contrary, guys do have one. Your prostate, or “P-spot” is about two inches up your butt and the key to having multiple, full-body orgasms, which some men describe as a "unicorn exploding in your urethra." I’m missing out this because of stubborn, puritanical foolishness.

Still, for some reason unknown, I’m reluctant to even ask the next lady friend whom I bed to experiment. So, to try to figure out what’s holding me back, and for validation, support and a sense of social permission, I turned to some trusted friends to ask them their opinion on dude-ass-fun-times and what their experience level with it was.

BRIAN, 26, Lives with his girlfriend of four years

Fun facts: Has attended anal sex seminars. Proudly displays a painting in his home that he and his girlfriend made by fucking while covered in wet paint.

ME: What's your stance on male butt stuff?

BRIAN: You know, I've never had my butt played with but I would let it happen.

ME: Why's that? Also why no stigma surrounding it for you?

BRIAN: I dunno. I'm pretty forward-thinking. Also the male G-spot is in your butt. I'm selling Ashley [Brian’s GF] so hard on the idea right now. "Babe. Just touch my asshole it's no big deal. I'll buy you rubber gloves and lube."

ME: Would you let Ashley peg you with a strap on?

BRIAN: No. Not a chance. That's where I draw the line.

ME: Why?

BRIAN: ‘Cause there is a big difference between feeling the palm of Ashley's hand on my ass as opposed to her thighs slapping against it.


SOPHIE, 27, Has a on-off boyfriend of a year and a half

Fun facts: We’ve boned a few times. No anal. We remain very good, now platonic friends.

ME: Where do you stand on playing with dudes’ butts?

SOPHIE: I'm open to it. My experience with butt stuff has been (and will likely continue to be) with a partner that I love and trust. I've tried it with most of the men that I've loved, but our sexual relationships have been super open and experimental. When you've been with the same dude for years, it's safe to say that you've tried most things together. It's fun! That being said, I've never had a partner who was super into butt play but if I did, I think that I'd oblige. Getting your partner off is half the fun. Hotness factor goes way up when you're making someone cream their jeans.

ME: Is a guy requesting it a turn on or turn off?

SOPHIE: Turn on. The honesty and trust it takes for a man to tell me that that's what he wants is sexy. The act itself is whatever to me. Just bodies exploring other bodies.

ME: Would you peg a guy with a strap on?

SOPHIE: Probably, yes. Because again, I love and trust my partner so if he wanted to explore being penetrated like that, I would oblige. Also, selfishly, the first thing I'd do if I had a dick would be to fuck a girl doggie style and so, in a way, I'd also be experimenting with that sensation on my end.

ME: To be blunt, does a guy taking it up the ass get you wet?

SOPHIE: Sometimes.


DANI, 27, Lives with her boyfriend of three years

Fun facts: Is maybe the most sex positive person I know. Once worked at an adult toy store just to pay for tickets to Bonnaroo.

ME: What do you think of dudes who get their butt played with?

DANI: I think it's good for men to explore it! Don't knock it ‘till you've tried it. It makes more sense for men to get it in the butt than women.

ME: Would you peg a guy with a strap on?

DANI: For sure. One-hundred percent. I'm for sexual exploration! Plus I think I'd be good at it! I’ve only just done finger-up-the-butt stuff. And that was like, rave reviews. Every time I introduce a guy to that he's just all about it. It actually gets annoying!


LAURA, 26, Single

Fun facts: Is bisexual. Probably goes down on girls better than you. 

ME: What's your stance on male butt stuff?

LAURA: I’m fine with it. I mean, if we're talking fingers and tongues and a clean butthole. But it needs to happen at the peak of intensity or else it’s kind of hard to get into. I’ve never stuck a plug or dildo in a guy’s butt and that might be over the line. I don’t know if I could get into it, just ‘cause it requires pausing the moment to prepare, which could kill the vibe. 

ME: So, is it a turn off if a guy asks for butt stuff?

LAURA: Nope, not necessarily. As long as it’s heat of the moment! I’m willing to try it out if it’s what my partner wants. Nothing should be off the table (within reason).


JAMES, 24, Has a girlfriend of one year

Fun facts: Occasionally appears on TV. Butt stuff enthusiast.

ME: Do you have an opposition to trying male butt stuff? Why or why not?

BROCK: No opposition. Have, in fact, tried a thing or two. Both by myself and with the involvement of a female. Why? General curiousity. Why more than once? That curiosity led to positive outcomes.

ME: How do you feel about the stigma around male butt stuff in general?

BROCK: I’ve always been a proponent. I wouldn’t do anything to anyone unless I’d be cool with it myself. It could be that men see it as “gay” because our experience with sexuality is more visual — so [butt stuff] looks gay. But it’s not, so … 

Here’s what I took away from my friends.

1. My friends are a bunch of wonderful perverts.

2. Getting your butt played with does not even sort of make you gay. No sex act determines your sexulity. If you’re already gay, then yeah, butt stuff is gay, but if you’re not, you’re still straight even after some girl fingers your prostate. If you want it, it’s fine to request it. She won’t think any less of you, and she might even be really excited and turned on that you did.

3. Am I going to try it? I’m not exactly more motivated to. To be honest, I don’t find the act making its way onto my “fuck-it list” any time soon. But it is good to know that if I did, there’s more encouragement than judgment around me.