Meanwhile, we can't even get a date on Christian Mingle …
There's sleepwalking, and there's sex, and normally those two things have about as much to do with each other as a pizza and the hair on Bob Sagat's upper lip.
But, in a rising percentage of people, sleepwalking and sleep sex combine in a fantasy condition known as "sexsomnia." Also called "sleep sex," the condition is a relatively common parasomnia in which people engage in sexual relations while they're sleeping.
Wait … what?! We can't even get laid when we're awake and there's people out there doing it in their sleep?
The Sleep School also found some gendered differences in how people experience sleep sex. When women experience an episode of sexsomnia, they typically exhibit "sexual vocalizations" and masturbate with abandon. Some manage to insert Tab A into Slot B, but the vast majority tend to do it alone. Men, on the other hand, tend to engage in fondling and full blown intercourse, all under the spell of snooze.
And while it may sound creepy that someone could fuck you in their sleep and have no idea they're doing it (and it is, there have been multiple cases of rape that were blamed on sexsomnia), it can also make things really hot assuming there's consent.
Interestingly, a friend we know (let's call him Adam) who has sexsomnia, says the ladies he sleeps with generally report that when a sleep sex episode strikes him, he's actually more romantic, slow, and passionate, than when he's conscious. One time, Adam says, he spent 10 full minutes lightly touching his girlfriend's thighs and whispering things into her ear before making bizarrely intense love to her. He had no idea he was doing this and has no memory if it, but she says it was one of the best times they'd ever had.
"It was like I was having sex with an entirely different person," she told us after we asked why she didn't just wake him up. "It was still him, so I felt okay about it, but I loved that he had an entirely different personality."
"My girlfriend actually likes me better when we sleep fuck," he laughed.
Usually, people who have sexomnia also suffer from other kinds of sleep disorders such as sleep apnea and sleep deprivation, but not always. Our friend definitely has insomnia, and although he can't deduce a pattern between his insomnia and sexsomnia, he's pretty convinced they're related.
It can also be caused by certain medications and a sleep-related epilepsy that makes people experience sexual arousal, pelvic thrusting and orgasms … which doesn't really sound all that bad considering 75 percent of women have a hard time coming. Of course, stress, anxiety and alcohol consumption are also related to sleep sex, but then again — aren't they the underlying cause of everything?
So, how do you tell if the person you're fucking is asleep or awake? Psychology Today advises you to look for glassy eyes and a vacant expression as common indicators that a person might be engaging in sleep sex. Beyond that, be sure to always check in with them to make sure they're, you know … conscious. Because there's nothing sexier when you're getting dirty than someone looking deep into your eyes at the peak of passion and going, "Are you sleeping?"
But, then again … if it's the best sex you've ever had, your partner might be asleep. In that case, five more minutes.