Hope our partner likes Chipotle chicken burritos …


For years, that's been the one-word prescription for foul-tasting spunk given by precocious 15 year-olds and psychologists alike. However, most people tend to write it off as pure lore.

After all, there are no reputable, peer-reviewed studies that prove it really does make your penis into a piña colada dispenser … or even that certain chemicals like caffeine or nicotine will ruin the flavor, as your hand-wringing sex ed teacher from 7th grade famously warned you. While there's a wealth of personal anecdotes that describe how diet affects semen and vagina taste, it seems the science community is unwilling to savor the flavor of that  kind of research.

Dr. Carol Queen, a sociologist and sexologist whose practice focuses on sex-positivity, provided Vice with a possible explanation as to why.

"Part of the reason there are urban legends and a lack of proper research [about sexual fluid taste] is because there is no money to be made off it," she said. "These days people who get funded to do sex research are often funded through pharmaceutical companies so they can claim ownership of something like 'the next female Viagra' or capitalize on a medical model—not pour money into sex and lifestyle stuff."

So, while it would be much easier to study a pineapple than it is to cut one up for breakfast (still figuring that one out), it makes more financial sense for a pharmaceutical company to make products that simply block a body's smell and taste as opposed to actually enhance it. That's why, instead of pills that make your cum taste like Odwalla, we have deodorant and douches and Mariah Carey Gold Orchid Body Spray.

Yet, Dr. Queen acknowledges that while there is no sturdy research on the topic, it's true that anything you put in your body will affect how your semen or vagina tastes, regardless of whether researchers are willing to take on the topic. Whether it's food, beverages or medication, a biochemical shift occurs when you change up your intake, and that is almost always reflected in your bodily secretions.

"Anything we smell or taste on the body is part of an excretory process," she says. "If you can tell a difference in someone's body odor, then the likelihood is that you can tell about their sexual secretions, as well."

To investigate this, Vice had two couples experiment with diet and genital taste, instructing them to eat an assortment of foods over a four–week period to assess how their flavors changed. And while any small study conducted by a media outlet can certainly be considered pseudoscientific, their intel did reveal that what you put in your body actually does affect how your semen and vaginal fluid taste.

According to the couples, eating more fruits and vegetables did seem to help, something that Dr. Queen corroborated.

"If you want your bits to taste good, fruits like pineapple, papaya, and citrus will make a difference," she said.

Fattier, more processed foods seemed to make eating out taste a little earthier and more musky, but not necessarily bad, which brings us to an important secondary finding: while certain foods seemed to influence taste, that taste wasn't necessarily perceived as either noxious or delicious, just noticeably different to the palate.

However, what resoundingly made the difference between good and bad taste was not what a person ate, but how hydrated they were. The more dehydrated, the worse taste. The more hydrated, the better.

As a female in one of the couples who had been tasting her wife's vagina throughout the experiment explained, "I think through all of these "experiments," I was expecting her taste to be drastically impacted by diet, but truly what I found was that her water consumption is the keystone of the whole operation. If she was well hydrated enough, there was a mildness to her taste that borders on flavorless. When she was dehydrated, I was able to tell a huge difference in the taste, and it seemed to really showcase the foods she'd eaten."

For a complete breakdown of these couple's tasting notes and a play-by-play description of which foods lead to which tastes, you can check out the Vice experiment, but we'd advice you take the results with a grain of salt. After all,  given the incredibly diverse array of personal biochemistry and environmental exposure, it's impossible to generalize how one food like pineapple, will affect the piquancy of penis or the zest of vagina.

Instead, focus on the bigger takeaway here, which is that water, not food, plays the biggest role in whether your vagina tastes like a Chipotle chicken burrito or a pineapple plantation. And while there's no conclusive evidence to support how different foods affect what's on the menu, it doesn't hurt to conduct a few experiments of your own to see how what you eat reacts with your own hydration and biochemistry to produce some Michelin star pussy or cum.