What's more important than soul-warming human interaction that breaks down the walls of intimacy with pure, unadulterated pleasure? Um, cellular tellulars and the Bachelor, like duh! Or at least that's what a whopping quarter of you weirdos say.

What's more important than soul-warming human interaction that breaks down the walls of intimacy with pure, unadulterated pleasure?

Um, cellular tellulars.

According to a recent study from Statista, cell phones are more important to 26% of Americans than sex. Sex was also less important to your fellow citizens than internet access, TV, laptops, and cars. Look:

In fact, cell phones are so beloved to Americans, that 20% of them admit to checking their phones during sex. But that's nothing compared to the U.K., where 62% of women and 48% of men just can't get through a little P on V action without scrolling through their Instagram feeds.

What is wrong with you people? When cell phones and TV are more vital to you than sex, you're not doing sex right. Do we need to come over there and show you how it's done? Because we will.