Meanwhile, you're over here like "OH OH OH OH OH" and the porn hasn't even started yet.

With the average sexual intercourse lasting only about seven minutes in this country, World Champion Masturbator Masanobu Sato seems like an extraterrestrial. The Japanese man, who has won San Francisco's Masturbate-a-Thon multiple times, can beat the Meat for an impressive nine hours and 33 minutes before busting a load we can only imagine was mistaken for a large comet in his part of the world.

Meanwhile, you're over here like "Nggg nggg ohh" and the porn hasn't even started yet.

As if that weren't already weird and weirdly arousing enough, Masanobu is now getting into even deeper masturbation territory with a video he released that shows the inner workings of the domestic life him and his girlfriend share together. In it, we get to observe one of his favorite pastimes, aggressively masturbating while his girlfriend does chores.

Most mornings, as you'll soon find out from the video, he masturbates for about two hours while his girlfriend just lives her life. She's not fazed by his vigorous stroking though; sometimes she even helps out by timing his performances.

"He puts a lot of effort in it, and I just have my own hobbies," she explains in the video clip.

And the relationship of the year award goes to!

"You don't become world champion overnight. Masanobu practices with the best gadgets."  Of course. Like any hobby, success takes a lot of hard work. Hard work and strong lubricant.

Self-gratification isn't all fun and games though. Masanobu takes his rug tugging very seriously and has completed a great deal of non-masturbatory physical training in order to increase his stamina.

"I swam twice a week and gained about 5 kgs in muscle," he told the San Francisco Weekly in an email. "That helped me a lot, too, in terms of stamina." Maybe you should look into that.

And that's how he ended up slaying in the The Masturbate-a-Thon,an annual competition sponsored by the Center for Sex and Culture in San Francisco, where events are held in a place appropriately titled the "masturbatorium." If a man is competing, the object is to stay hard and jacking off without ejaculating for as long as possible.  At times, the event attracts more males than females, which can be a turn off for some participants … but as Masanobu proves, it's not about being aroused by your fellow competitors. It's about giving your girlfriend yet another reason to LOL at you. And that, dear friends, is worth more than any nine hour pre-orgasm.