Oh no, what will all the bigots masturbate to now?
With the passing of North Carolina's recent anti-trans legislation, it's become plain that the state is obsessed with people's genitals.
Tar State lawmakers are so obsessed with beef curtains and flesh tubes, in fact, that they're spending a majority of their legislative energy trying to regulate what goes in and out of those genitals, and where. After all, genitals are this nation's most pressing issue.
This has taken the form of the state's much-maligned new bathroom bill, which aims to limit the potty habits of trans people by requiring that all people use the bathroom assigned to the gender that appears on their birth certificate.
The reason for the current bathroom drama is based on the fear of trans women sexually assaulting cisgendered women in bathrooms.
To be clear, as of today, this has never happened. No trans person has ever been reported attacking anyone in any bathroom anywhere, ever.
In fact, trans people are exponentially more likely to be the victims, not the perpetrators of hate crimes and sexual violence. As The Anti-Violence Project reports, trans people are twice as likely to experience sexual violence and seven times more likely to be physically or sexually assaulted by law enforcement. In 2013, 72 percent of hate crime homicide victims were transgender women.
However, the response from those who feel North Carolina's law is discriminatory has been pretty harsh and hilarious.
Paypal shut down their operations center in North Carolina. Seattle and New York state issued travel bans for government personnel. Bruce Springsteen even canceled his tour date in the state, disappointing a vast and unknown numbers of dads.
But perhaps the most devastating retaliation of all came from porn site xHamster, who has vowed to cut off North Carolina's lifeline to genitals by blocking all access to their website from people in the state. Now no one in North Carolina can masturbate with online porn, especially of the gay or shemale variety, which as you can see below, makes up juicy portion of the videos they search and watch.
Coulda seen that one coming. The hypocrisy of making life harder for trans people while simultaneously masturbating to videos of them is not surprising. It's always the most bigoted people that have the most to hide, is it not? Wake up, North Carolina.
"As of today, access to XHamster.com is blacked out in the state of North Carolina until further notice," the site explained in a statement. "Judging by the stats of what you North Carolinians watch, we feel this punishment is a severe one. We will not standby and pump revenue into a system that promotes this type of garbage. We respect all sexualities and embrace them."
Fuck yeah, xHamster. This bud's for you.
It's awesome that porn can play a such a political role these days, and we hope that xHamster's hijacking of North Carolina's masturbation material will help those poor souls refocus their attention away from genitals, and on more pressing issues, like the fact that they have the second worst teachers in the country maybe?