If your parents were anything like ours, there's probably a few valuable life lessons they forgot to teach you on the road from pint-sized pipsqueak to fully functioning adult. Thankfully, Rooster is here to coddle you into successful, adulthood with these 14 life lessons, as presented by awkward album covers. It'll make sense in a second…
Here's 14 thing every functioning adult knows, as presented by the most awkward album covers you've ever seen, because we're here to help you self improve. It's good for you.
1. Children are harder to catch when they're running because their small size makes them more agile. Remember this.
2. If you can think of a good adjective that starts with the same first letter as your name, then you're ready for adulthood and for DJing. Rickety Rooster. See what we did there?
3. It's always courteous to ask if you can touch someone before you do.
4. Don't half-ass two things. Whole-ass one thing. You can dance or you can talk. Get it?
5. Make yourself available to others.
6. Regular bowel movements are good for the soul.
7. When you make a promise, keep it.
8. Shave your legs sometimes.
9. Always apply sunscreen to your skin to avoid being mistaken for a racially ambiguous burlap sack.
10. Be yourself, even if that self has its dick tucked behind its legs as to give the impression that there is, in fact, no dick there at all. Just do you.
11. Be grateful for what you have.
12. When it comes to sex, always wait until the right person comes along.
13. Remember when we did that thing up there where we said wait for the right person? We meant the right person.
14. Your mouth; it's not for sassing anyone, so drop that attitude right now missy, and use it for something constructive, or you can forget about your allowance.