It's official: you can stop turning over rocks looking for Garth Brooks, because as of today, he no longer lives under one. Evidently, the country singer has just discovered Facebook, and although he's about nine years late to the game, we're glad he showed up at all. That's because, in the short amount of time he's been using the Book, he's already figured out how to post deeply unsettling videos about how Facebook will bring him closer to you.
It's official: you can stop turning over rocks looking for Garth Brooks, because as of today, he no longer lives under one. Evidently, the country singer has just discovered Facebook, and although he's about nine years late to the game, we're glad he showed up at all. That's because, in the short amount of time he's been using the Book, he's already figured out how to post deeply unsettling videos about how Facebook will bring him closer to you.
"I wanna post slick videos," he says in the video, glaring directly through the camera lens into the deepest part of your being with bloodthirsty eye contact.
With the kind of suspenseful vocal cadence and enlarged pupils that normally signal someone is about to end your life, he praises Facebook for "wiping the walls out between you and me."
Hopefully those walls are of sound construction because we're praying to baby Jesus there will always be a physical barrier between Garth and the thin layer of skin that separates our jugular from his scaly grasp.
"This is just who I am," he says, taking a long, slow breath. "This is just who I am."
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