In continuation with our effort to diversify your stock portfolio, we bring you Winkers: The Pants with Eyes.

In continuation with our effort to diversify your stock portfolio, we bring you Winkers: The Pants with Eyes.

We can feel your nervous excitement through the computer screen, but don't worry. Comfort yourself with the knowledge that with Winkers™, the fatter you get, the better they work. Really, there's never been a more fitting (literally) invention tailored to meet the increasingly bulbous needs of the American heartland. They're the pants that make fat fun. Clever, right? Your investment banker thinks so. Now fork over the cash.