The CIA has long been renowned for being the “headiest” of the intelligence agencies. Historically they’ve only recruited from very specific pools of people: Ivy league (specifically Yale) educated, elite, good ol’ boys who put country before self, the best and the brightest, who were, by in large, affluent white males — the crème of the crop, as far as the CIA was concerned.

Well, that seems to be shifting now. And, in a very curious direction.

A new recruitment video released recently by the CIA seems to indicate that they’re not looking for the same James Bond, Sterling Archer, stereotype spy anymore. Now they’re seeking a different kind of agency employee. They’re seeking sis-gendered millennials, who can handle crying babies with one hand, while comforting a toddler with the other; who can wax eloquent on complex legal issues and quoting Guayaquil de Misamores in Spanish simultaneously — they’re looking for officers diagnosed with generalized anxiety disorder, living an intersectional existence without being a box checking exercise.

They’re looking for people that be woke A.F.

Seriously. This is not a fake recruitment video — the CIA clearly spent a lot of time writing out these woke bullet points, for this Latin-X woman to read in a deadpan monologue. And, judging by the incredible production value and attention to detail, they had to have spent at least a few hundred dollars (but, knowing how the CIA spends it's money, more likely hundreds of thousands of dollars) making it.

Why? Your guess is as good as anyone’s. Maybe the CIA has actually taken an extreme interest in woke issues and identity. Or, perhaps the agency is trying to broaden their diversity of employees, and instead of just expanding equal opportunity programs, they decided to really go full send and start fishing in deep woke circles.  

Or, maybe, the CIA is simply trying to market themselves to the same Ivy league college students, who are now speaking the language of the woke left. Maybe they’re pivoting their recruitment angle, in order to recruit from exactly the same places: Yale, Harvard, Princeton…

What’s certain, though: this video is weird and we’re not sure what to make of it. No one really is. Whatever’s going on behind closed doors at the CIA is either way over our heads, or way off the mark.