With the all the horrific abuses Nike has exacted on its sweatshop laborers in the past, wouldn't you be more comfortable and morally secure if you just … made your shoes yourself?

NIKEA is your solution. Half Nike, half IKEA, NIKEA is the corporate love-child that offers the sick-nice-cool Nike styles you love, only in the form of raw materials you must construct yourself using an elaborate, CIA-level blueprint a la America's favorite Swedish furniture superstore. With NIKEA, your shoes are a labor of love and you, my friend, are the laborer.

NIKEA is a brain moment from YouTubers The Kloons, who are known for their painfully honest portrayals of how advertisers manipulate consumers. 

It does not exist in any real way, shape or form.

But it fucking should. Just saying.

NIIKEA. Just build it.

… Yourself.