If you can make it to the end of this video, you're a true American hero and here's a Purple Heart and a presidental endorsment.

In the great (size, not quality) state of Texas, there lives a lady named Lisa Gail Allred. Older, this Lisa. Tanned too. Buys trinkets at airport gift shops, rhinestones and such.

Lisa is past her prime. Lisa does not receive much attention from her husband-unit anymore, what with his newfound interested in his secretary and her newfound interest in a musical career and all. Lisa seeks to retaliate with a music video full of docile-yet-handsome cowboys who submit to her various lessons in the ways of love.

One of those is called "The Three Second Rule," which describe the amount of time her lovers are allotted to check out other women.

Naturally, Lisa indoctrinates her subjects with this wisdom using her voice, which is nasal and comes straight from hell.

There's also dancing. Excruciating dancing.

Well, now the stage is set … If you can make it to the end of this video, you're a true American hero and here's a Purple Heart and a presidental endorsment.

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