We used this photo instead of Eliot Spitzer's to avoid scarring your eyes as well, but the children who walked in on him and his girlfriend performing some very weird, very public sex acts weren't so lucky.

Of all the people that could be having sex in public, why, dear god, did it have to be Eliot Spitzer and his newly unemployed girlfriend Lis Smith? They reportedly put on quite the show while topless in a public hot tub at Jamaica's Montego Bay Resort. And according to onlookers, it was straight up nasty.

But whereas the more adult onlookers had come to expect such naughtiness from dear Eliot, the littlest member of the audience had a markedly different experience; a lifelong emotional scar that may never fully disappear from his now-fragile, tenuous psyche. A scar that could have been avoided if say, Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie were in the hot tub. That would have been a different thing entirely. But no.

After discovering them in the hot tub during an innocent stroll around the resort, his neurons exploded, his eyes began to bleed, and he ran to his mother and told her what he saw:

"Mom there's an old guy in the Jacuzzi with this girl and she's topless and she's got her legs wrapped around him," sources said.  "He's sucking on her toes!"

The boy's report of the toe sucking alerted more guests to the scene, who confirmed that Eliot was indeed floating in a lukewarm pool of his own filth with Lis sitting on his lap, topless, feet in and around his weird little slit of a mouth. Completely ignoring the fact that her feet were no doubt covered in shit and sands and microorganisms from walking around the resort She was into it.


We just hope that the next time Eliot Spitzer tries to make his sex life public that a) all nearby children are outfitted with blinders and noise-canceling headphones and b) premature ejaculates, kind of like what happened with his career. Oh, SNAP.