Got a mouthfull? Relax, young grasshopper. There are ways.

Congratulations, head enthusiast; you're about to experience Head Games, a weekly column where we discuss oral sex with people from all walks of life. Whether we're covering how to connect your mouth to someone's genitals in the most pleasing way possible, or how different cultures and species blow each other, it'll be covered here, in this fellatio-friendly corner of the internet. Welcome aboard.

In this life, there are two types of men.

Men whose penis you can swallow hole, and men whose penis is too gargantuan to get past your first two molars.

When it comes to blow jobs, the former is an easy situation; a literally little gift from God because their approachable size means you can give them the best blow job of their life. The head and the whole shaft will fit in your mouth, so you've got more surface area and pleasurable nerve endings to work with, and the fact that you can breathe while this is happening make it easier for you to work up and distribute spit along his cock. And any flourishes you pick up in your porn escapades or while researching head techniques on the Google are easy to try out because, well, you can handle his dick.

The latter is a different situation. You can barely fit that fucker in your mouth, and when you do, there's no way you're getting it in much further than the head. It's so thick you can't avoid doing some damage with your dental situation, and if he's got a mushroom tip, you've got a one-way ticket to … not going anywhere. Eventually, you wind up looking like an emaciated baby bird who just tilts its little head back and unhinges its jaw when its mother comes back to regurgitate some shit she found into its mouth. Good thing you don't even care what you look like at that point because the enormity of his manhood has cut off the air supply from your pharynx to your trachea, and you're really more concerned about asphyxiating than your bird impression. The saddest part of all this is that you just want to do a good job; it's everyone's wet dream to be great at giving head … but his enormous ween stands in the way of your Grade A goals.

Clearly, while this mega-dong type may feel amazing when it's in another one of your orifices, it's hard to master when it's in your mouth. So, what do you do when the dick you're sucking is just too big to be sucked?

Don't even trip … there are methods.

1. Don't worry about it; this is his life

The absolute first thing you should do in this situation is chill the fuck out. You're not the only person who's tried and failed to give this man "perfect head." His dick's big, your mouth is small … what else is new.

He knows this. This is his life. This is the price of admission for porn cock.

He's well aware that his dick is so thick and long that no human has ever been able to suck it like he really wants them to. The anatomy of the human mouth makes it impossible to get it in very far, and he's never known what it's like to feel his whole cock slide in and out of someone's throat unless his partner is a giraffe (in which case, fuck you … bye). Likely, he's also intimately familiar with the feeling of teeth on his dick. If he's lucky, he'll find someone with a large, Lake Bell-like mouth, but unfortunately for him, the size of someone's oral cavity neither equates to good head or a cool person.

The good news is that since he doesn't know what it feels like to have his whole penis inside someone's mouth, he doesn't know what he's missing. He thinks head feels great when whoever's giving it sucks on the part of it they can handle.

So, relax. He's used to this. This is his normal. All you need to do is switch up some of your regular techniques to fit his monstrosity, and you're golden (and hopefully covered in semen).

2. You're gonna have to use your hands

Provided you're not a mini-me, you can usually fit the head of a huge dick in your mouth, but the shaft is left starving for attention. Good thing you have two hands! Or at least one! I don't know you!

Try putting a little blob of lube between your hands, rubbing them together, then gripping his cock with them. As you use your mouth to pleasure the tip of his dick, use your hands to fuck with the shaft.

It'll feel the best for him if you can match the rhythm between your hands and mouth so it feels like one continuous tube … know what I mean? A consistent pace will feel awesome, and if you're extra dexterous and #blessed, you can stroke his shaft with one hand while rubbing his frenulum or perineum with the other.

If he's got a mushroom tip, use your hand to gently (GENTLY) squeeze it so it compresses, then put it in your mouth … it'll expand back to its normal size once it's in there, and will feel both cool and chill.

Just remember to think of your hands as an extension of your ass or vagina … they're there to do the work your mouth can't.

3. Get into a position where you can control the action

Without a doubt, the easiest position for you to handle a huge cock in is with him laying on his back or sitting and you kneeling in front of him. That way, you can control the speed and depth which with you blow him, and there's a good chance you'll be able to make it past his head. These two positions also limit the likelihood you'll activate your gag reflex, which is something you can learn to control by relaxing your throat, breathing and taking it slow.

If he's standing and you're kneeling, good luck. The angle makes it much harder to do God's work.

4. Since you're mostly working with the head, really work the head

Something that gets overlooked during the course of a normal, non-gigantic blow job is tongue techniques. For average or small dudes, the simple act of bobbing up and down on their cock will usually end in orgasm, and although it'll feel a million times better if you use your tongue right, it's not necessary. (Side note: fuckin' use your tongue if you're with an average or small dude … the bare minimum doesn't cut it).

With larger guys though, your tongue and what it does while you're giving head is the difference between another strenuous blow job and a blow job that makes them proud to have a dick that's hard to manage.

As you bob your head up and down on his tip, gently swirl your tongue around it, letting him feel the warmth, wetness and texture of it, all while maintaining a consistent rhythm. Reach your tongue down along the bottom and sides of his head, gently sucking with your mouth, and switch it up by using the bottom of your tongue to graze the top of his head (guys rarely get to feel a tongue on the top, upward-facing part of their dicks).

Lick up and down his shaft before putting his head back in your mouth. Flick your tongue over the opening to his urethra when you're sucking on the tip. Go to town with your tongue, and really consciously use it as you're fellating.

If you can't fit much more than the head in your mouth, just pretend his head is a small penis. Do all the things you'd normally do to a more manageable member, just remember to go slowly, because as much as it's daunting to fit his massive wang in your mouth, it's weird for him to have a tiny mouth on his massive wang.

Pro tip: Put Now &' Laters or Starburst candy on your teeth and mold them onto the sharp points so you can open your mouth wide enough without worrying about putting his dick through a dental wood chipper. You'll look insane, but it'll taste good so … you're welcome.

5. Pander to his ego

Having a big dick is a huge ego boost for a lot of men. So, cater to this. Tell him his dick is too big to fit in your mouth … then fit it in your mouth. You can also use his size to your advantage when it comes to making him feel cool because you'll likely have to take a lot of breaks, which allows for a lot intense, intimate eye contact. Every now and then when you need to, take his dick out of your mouth and stroke it with both hands while looking at him. Your face will be flushed and your lips will be wet and your hair will be a mess, which he'll love.

Closing thought: Just because he has a huge dick doesn't mean it's not still a normal dick; although you have to use more tongue and hands than usual and watch your positioning with larger guys, the most pleasurable thing for him will still be a consistent rhythm, lots of spit and your ability to breathe through it at the same time you're going down on him so that you're not constantly coming up for air.

And lucky for you, all that hard work you did trying to fit a baseball bat-like object in your mouth will pay off when it miraculously fits in a more Southerly hole. Good talk.