Lauren Boebert won her primary this week, and to answer your question, yes, we have absolutely been drinking about it. Why aren’t you?
Boebert beat her opponent, Don Coram, by 31 points, shortly after she resorted to calling the separation of church and state “junk.”
According to an article from People Magazine, Boebert made the remarks during a Colorado Springs rally, telling the crowd that the church is supposed to direct the government, and that the government isn’t supposed to direct the church.
“I'm tired of this separation of church and state junk. This is not in the Constitution, it was in a stinking letter and it means nothing like what they say it does," Boebert said to the crowd while they presumably took turns eating glue out of a jar with a spoon.
To retort to Boebert’s comments, it’s commonly believed that the first amendment of the Constitution implies the separation of church and state when it reads “Congress shall make no law respecting an establishment of religion or prohibiting the free exercise thereof.”
We’d argue that this amendment certainly at least hints at the separation of church and state, but, as we’ve said before many, many times, we’re unsure of how well Lauren Boebert can read.
Earlier this month, thousands of Colorado voters changed their voter affiliation in the hopes of instating Boebert’s opponent, Don Coram.
At a recent event, Coram told the crowd “My politics are very similar to my driving. To the chagrin of both my wife and my Republican colleagues, I tend to crowd the center line and sometimes I veer over a bit.”
So on one hand, you have this 74-year-old Republican who has summed up their political ideals with this excellent driving analogy, and on the other hand, you have a 34-year-old gerbil who, on top of completely shitting the proverbial political bed, married her husband after he exposed himself to two underage women in a bowling alley while Boebert was present.
Did you know that? That’s an actual thing that happened. Jayson Boebert was arrested at 24 for public indecency and lewd exposure after the incident, with Lauren, who was 17 at the time, not only being present for the entirety of the incident, but later marrying the man.
You are now burdened with this knowledge like we are and we wish you luck digesting that information.
Unfortunately, Coram lost in the primary to Boebert by 31 points, giving us a sour understanding that we may very well be stuck with Boebert for another four years.
Fortunately, the average lifespan of an empire is 250 years, with America having been a country for 246 years, so we’ve got that going for us… which is nice.