Next time you're about to attempt an April Fool's joke, be prepared for the ramifications of the joke failing. Obviously, when 18-year-old Tori Wheeler attempted her own April Fool's comedy by telling her boyfriend that she was pregnant, she wasn't prepared for his answer. The boyfriend, Derek Bauer, got mad. With the joke not going well, Wheeler did what any sane joke-teller would do and brandished a kitchen knife for a more poignant punch line. Bauer tried to explain that he was joking as well, but Wheeler wasn't having the constructive criticism and sliced his throat. She then preceded to bite him which we do think seems a little excessive following a throat slice, but we understand hecklers need to be taught a lesson.
Wheeler was later charged with assault and Bauer was taken to the hospital where he received seven stitches. Oh, the things we do for love.
Lesson learned: pregnant jokes are always funny. Then again, if Bauer used our method for dealing with pregnancy scares of the staircase stumble, he might have avoided the unpleasant experience of getting his throat sliced. Just saying.