How I, a humble straight man, conquered my anxiety about vibrators and came to the toe-curling realization that there are many paths to female orgasm.

How I, a humble straight man, conquered my anxiety about vibrators and came to the toe-curling realization that there are many paths to female orgasm.

As I see it, there is a quiet, but growing population of men with the idea that a woman’s pleasure comes first. These guys see past the wailing, trumped-up vixens of the porn industry. They know that porn is to sex, as WrestleMania is to martial arts. They want the real orgasms; the kind with trembling legs and tingling fingertips.

And gentlemen, I’m here to tell you that the road to realizing this new American dream is lined with multicolored toys. Trust me, they don’t bite. In fact, they might become your new bedfellows.

See I, like you, didn’t always like the idea of sex toys. In hindsight, I was intimidated by them. Vibrators and dildos seemed to have something I lacked. They didn’t get tired, or overly excited, and they provided sensations my piece never could. I would love a naturally vibrating wand, but my wand maker apparently ran out of that part. So what changed my mind?

In the interest of female pleasure, I started talking to my girlfriend, and my lady friends, about what they did for themselves. I wanted to know about the appeal of sex toys, why someone would prefer them over what I was hiding behind my tighty whities.

From them, I learned that toys themselves are great, but they’re even not always a main attraction. Sometimes a girl just needs to rub one out, and she’ll do whatever it takes to accomplish that feat. The variety of preferences for orgasm makers, toys or not, was staggering.

For one lass, her tight jeans were an improvised toy, capable of producing orgasm. Another young woman employed a collection of toys to maintain novelty in her stimulation. One other let her boyfriend use a big ol’ dildo on her, and they both enjoyed the act. Suddenly, to me it seemed toys were not substitutes for man bits per se; they were a side dish. It was the same meal, just a different flavor. Pleasing a lady means understanding her tastes.

That being said, be sure to communicate with your partner before heading down this rabbit hole. Whipping out a sexy power tool, or even a little gadget might be intimidating to either one of you. Make sure you both know what is in store when venturing into the world of toys. That way you can both fully relax and experience new things together. But I promise that, if you’re willing to stick your neck out for your lady and cater to her desires, she will be much more willing to venture into the realm of your own fantasies. Introducing some basic toys could lead to so much more.

Hugh Hefner once told Cosmopolitan magazine that “Every man should have a Hitachi Wand.” The wand is a vibrator which plugs into the wall and has been addicting women with its buzz since the sexual revolution of the 1970s. Whether or not you like Hugh, he’s got a point. Owning something purely for the pleasure of your partner is a player move. It shows confidence and consideration. Allowing it during partner play basically transforms you from a normal man into a sexual Megazord (Which is a great name for a vibrator by the way).

I’d recommend a basic little vibrator to start. If you’re a poor scholar, fear not, Bed, Bath and Beyond has a wide variety of “neck massagers” and “back massagers,” which are mysteriously small and phallic. Grab one of these if your girl doesn’t have one already. I was lucky because my girlfriend kept her “back massager” in her nightstand. So, I knew I could segue into using it very easily.

When I decided to try and incorporate toys into sex, I began by asking my lady to play with herself first. I had her do it, because I could see exactly how she got herself off.  Why test my hand when hers is a finely tuned, clit-flicking machine? My younger self would have been scared that he was underperforming, but I knew that with her occupying the clit, I was free to hit her G-spot with the vibrator. This is a great technique in itself.

It was fascinating, really. My girlfriend was more than willing to grab her toy after a few minutes with just her hand. She turned on her little massager and pressed it to her clit. Something I hadn’t considered happened: I felt her vibrating, like, a lot. Her whole pubic bone was humming an erotic tune. It was awesome.

Ultimately, my girlfriend has only cum a few times with this technique. For achieving climax, her hand is enough extra stimulation. I think the intensity of both the vibrator, plus me, is a bit much for her to focus on getting off. But I will say that during the experience she was in a tantric state. She laid there moaning and pressing her hips and shoulders into the bed. I was definitely into it.

Furthermore, she now initiates sex more often, which I think has a lot to do with the fact that I come across as invested in her pleasure. We’ve been lying in bed watching Netflix and suddenly I’ll hear the massager rumbling under the blankets. She is comfortable using it around me now, and I reap major benefits.

Once you get past your own insecurity around them, sex toys are pretty cool. They’re an excellent addition to a straight man’s sexual toolbox, and only adds to to your sexual prowess. Funny, now I’m wondering what else I could bring into the bedroom to test out. Maybe a vibrating cock ring and glow-in-the-dark condom for some lightsaber action… You’re welcome for that nerd fantasy.