What's the worst possible place you could pass out after doing a bunch of heroin if you're a substitute teacher?
Out of all the possible times and places Pennsylvanian man Christopher Chiapetta (Chia Pet petter?) could have passed out on heroin, did it really have to be in front of a class-full of elementary school kids?
Yes. Yes it did.
Story goes it was about 6 a.m. and he thought, "I'd like to do some heroin now, LOL." And everything was awesome as he melted into a Janis Joplin/ Jimi Hendrix/ Kurt Cobain concert in the sky that he hallucinated. But then he was rudely awakened by a call from the elementary school where he was a substitute teacher; he had to go in. So instead of being like, "Naw, man I'm on my way to another job" or "Sorry, on heroin," he agreed to come right on in.
He got through class until about 11 a.m., when his body was like, "Nope" and he passed out in front of an audience of little children.
The school resource police officer, Sgt. Hudson, who was patrolling the halls, walked by the classroom moments after, and noticed something was "off." He went in and found Christopher face up, ass down. Was he…planking? Or delivering the most realistic D.A.R.E presentation of all time?
Not even. When school administrators finally woke him up, he denied being under the influence…until they found four bags of heroin in his pockets and some weed in his car.
Christopher is facing multiple drug and child endangerment charges. And that, kids, is why you don't go to school!