Today in unsafe sex: Two Denver police officers and their wives got into a drunken, gun-waving brawl after their pre-planned wife-swap took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, "Fuck the police" has a much more literal meaning, no?

Today in unsafe sex: Two Denver police officers and their wives got into a drunken, gun-waving brawl after their pre-planned wife-swap took a turn for the worse. Suddenly, "Fuck the police" has a much more literal meaning, no?

The incident occurred after a surely illegal amount of drinking and a heated argument over who would be placing who's wife under sex arrest. Denver patrolman Jeremy Ownbey suggested a particular pairing, but his fellow officer Steven Sloan didn't like his team lineup plan. This insulted Jeremy to the core, and tensions arose as Steven asked Jeremy to leave.

As team Ownbey got up to go, Steven's wife Stephanie drunkenly slugged Mrs. Ownbey in the kisser. Not wanting to miss out on the fun, the two men started going at it too until the entire party was engaged in a passionate, sexless anger orgy. Yep, instead of blowing a load on each other's faces, they just landed blows … on each other's faces. What a waste of boxed wine!

And why, yes, the two cops did have a history of swinging together! Thank you for asking.

At some point, Steven's gun made an appearance. No, not that kind of gun, like an actual gun. Pervert. This prompted a call to the local authorities.

All the police in the area who weren't currently wife-swapping were called to the scene, but no one was arrested. The incident landed officers Jeremy and Steven desk duty while their less kinky coworkers investigate the incident, which we think is counterproductive. Don't they know that 104% of desks are used to plan future wife-swaps? That's the problem with our education system.

Well, we know we'll be sleeping more soundly tonight knowing that the men and women who serve and protect our neighborhood are living out all the sexual fantasies we're too wussy to live out. We hope you do too. Zzz.