Although the hippest baby name would technically be nothing, because names are meaningless labels meant to constrain your authentic nature, the current laws and regulations of our country require that all documented citizens be ascribed a combination of Latin letters. Good thing FitPregnancy.com released this list of the hottest hipster baby names of 2014.
Although the hippest baby name would technically be nothing, because names are meaningless labels meant to constrain your authentic nature, the current laws and regulations of our country require that all documented citizens be ascribed a combination of Latin letters or it's straight to Guantanamo. Good thing FitPregnancy.com released this list of the hottest hipster baby names of 2014.
Here's FitPregnancy's suggestions for your XY chromosome spawn:
Auden, Byron, Enoch, Gulliver, Ignatius, Lennon, Murray, Nico, Orson, Roman, Salinger, Zane.
Hold up. While we admire FitPregnancy's effort to reference every piece of literature that's ever been written with their list, we don't think their super-soft name suggestions convey the burl of today's hipster boy baby. Have you seen those things? They come out with a full beard, shaking a broken beer bottle that they're trying to give you a stick-and-poke with. We think these male baby names are lacking the raw, barbaric nature that compels so many hipsters to endure the ball-crushing torment of tight pants. Maybe these would be more … "deck?"
1. Jugular
2. Karate Chop
3. Mangler
4. Steven Segall
5. Thrasher
6. Polaroid
7. Dodge Ram
8. God
9. Hulk
10. DMX. That's right…first we're gonna walk, then we're gonna roll.
And here are FitPregnancy's suggestions for your baby girl:
Briseida, Farrah, Inez, Liora, Minnie, Odette, Pandora, Romy, Suzette, Tessie, Wren, Zola.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, what are these girls, milkmaids on a farm? Please. Hipster girl's names don't need to convey an ability to feed chickens. They need to convey a whimsical sort of asexuality. Are they human or pond nymph? Lady or drifting cosmic object? It doesn't matter, baby hipster girl defies your labels and shoots you through the dick with her non-sequitur nomenclature. Here are some better ones:
1. Spore
2. Nebula
3. Michael
4. Xerox
5. Voldemort
6. Plutonium
7. Verve
8. Doctor
9. Helix
10. Jessica (because it's so popular, it's ironic!)
We'd even suggest adding a "2.0" or "X" to the end of your hipster baby name, or maybe an "i" to the beginning just to put your own little unique stamp on things. Because you know what they say, "Be yourself, everyone else is taken. Even Voldemort.
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