It tried so hard, and got so far, but in the end, it didn't even matter.
When you're an elevator in Denver, you're not exactly frequented by the Hollywood elite. Day after day, you have to put up with plain old muggles and weed execs, drab specimens from the general millieu who are just too lazy to use the stairs.
But every now and then, you get a tasty little treat: a celebrity. Mmm.
And when you do, HALLELUJAH, JOHNNY! You're never letting them go.
That's exactly what happened in one RiNo parking garage elevator when "The Bachelor" Ben Higgins stepped foot inside its cavernous carriage.
Higgins had been out on his first-ever date in Denver with show-fiancee Lauren Bushnell. He had gone to grab the car out of the garage while she stayed warm inside like the total fuckprincess she is. The couple, who is now engaged because reality TV made them fall in love and it might be part of their contract, has had to keep their relationship under wraps until the final episode of "The Bachelor" aired. This was their first public appearance as an engaged duo bound totally by love, not the siren song of C-List fame.
However, when Higgins boarded the elevator, it had other plans for him. It shut its doors and shut down, locking the TV star in a metal cage of emotion.
After a while, Bushnell grew worried and went to find him.
A video Bushnell added to her Snapchat story shows her pushing the elevator button while Higgins is trapped inside.
"Uh oh," she said. "Honey? We're going to get you out of here, OK?"
The elevator, understandably, would not let go of "honey" until the fire department showed up and pried him from the its cold, dead doors. Feeling defeated a still a little hungry, the elevator retreated into the black depths of the parking garage's lower levels. Higgins, it seemed, would live another day.
Twenty years from now I think (Lauren) and I are going to be happy that our life is documented," Higgins said.
Better luck next time, murderous celebrity elevator. Better luck next time.