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Three Things We Bring on Every Camping Trip.

Drugs

Absurdist News: “Colorado Most Obsessed with Gas Station Snacks” Says Report That Your Tax Dollars Probably Paid For

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Alligator of Happy Gilmore Fame Passes Away At Age of 80 in Southern Colorado.

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Five Things We’ll Get Before We Get Grand Theft Auto VI

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Absurdist News – 600 Pounds of Marijuana Taken From CSP Evidence Lockup.

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Absurdist News – Colorado Men Attempt to Use Cannon to Launch Tobacco and Meth into Louisiana Prison

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Absurdist News: The Weaponizable Potential of Hacking Sex Toys

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Dutch Art Exhibit of Two Beer Cans Thrown Into Trash By Museum Staff Member

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Coloradans Line Up To Eat at Restaurant Specializing in Chicken Salad

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The South Has Vending Machines Selling Bullets as We Continue Our Nationwide Search for the 50 Cent Mountain Dew

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Colorado to Deploy Drones as First Responders to 911 Calls

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Multiple Deer and Elk Attacks Confirmed Across State as the War Against Grazing Herd Animals Falls Upon Us

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Texas Court Rules Library Must Reinstate Banned Books Involving Butts and Farts

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Scientists Create AI Toddler, Combining Our Two Greatest Fears

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Colorado Owl Rescued From Pit Toilet Basin (Insert Shitty Fowl Pun Here)

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South Korean Man Killed By Industrial Machine That Identified Him as a Box

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Overhead Helicopters Make Australian Crocodiles Horny, Mating Frenzy Ensues

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RMNP Proposes “Educational Permit” System for Accessing Longs Peak

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Judge Orders More Fines For Colorado Company That Tried to Pay Settlement with Three Tons of Coins

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Cooler Than Donated Fighter Jets? Adviser to Putin says U.S. is Brainwashing Ukranians to Create Gay Super Soldiers

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Giant Kites Could Pull Cargo Ships Across Ocean as Modern Media Continues to Gaslight You About Sailboats

Magazine

Silicon Valley’s dark wizard is building a colossal surveillance database for the Feds

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